Hurt

I am so angry, I have written anything in years, life simply got in the way…and now here I am alone and in pain and turning back to one thing that got me through my life, writing. I have never done drugs and once sex was a addicition, I have hurt so many people in my life, simply stepped over them like stepping stones.

I gave birth to my son and everything changed, my personality, my sense of right and wrong, my everything. I grew up, I commited to one man, I decided to let myself love, and finally open up, God what a mistake. Now I see I gave the wrong people my trust and those I discarded those were who truly deserved…I hurt. i never hurt, I never let the hurt and anger of my life touch me, I hold myself apart. Now all I can do is clutch my chest and pray no one can see the blood oozeing from my heart.

I’m a proud person, I am difficult and rude and sometimes uncaring, but I loved him..I loved my husband with every fiber of my being….I adored him, and I thought he loved me, I thought he cared about me, that I was for once special to someone, someone wanted just me.

That was a lie. I have a 3 year old son, I have given 4 years to this man, my soul and he threw it away on 5 minutes of pleasure??? I know that sex is not the same as love, but if you love someone the way he says he loves me you can’t do that!!!

My anger is seething….I can’t begin to scream loud enough to show how much I hurt.

Why do I have to explain to my baby why daddy doesn’t live here anymore?