How I got here PT 2

So I did not do much research on the place I was going to. I asked a few questions but not enough mostly because I didn’t know what to ask. I had excellent insurance and I had met my out of pocket from all the hospital stays so I could have gone anywhere that took my insurance. I had already been pre-approved for inpatient care. Why I did not do the right research I will never ever forgive myself for.

The thing was that although I had great insurance I had stopped getting my short term disability checks when I stopped going for treatment. I was beyond broke. So flying anywhere I didnt know how I was going to do it. When I found this place and was told that I approved and they would fly me there I jumped on it. I was proud I was taking this step. I was really scared of just how sick and depressed and out of control I was. Im terrified of flying and I knew I would have to take the 5 hour plane ride alone but I did it. I said goodbye to my family and then got on the plane (after an evacuation of the airport which added even more fear to my flight). I was told that i would be picked up at the airport.

When I was finally picked up I was surprised by all the people in the van there was only 1 seat left and no room for my luggage. I realized that all the other people on this bus was just released from jail and were going to different rehabs in the area. We stopped to switch over passengers and I went into the store with another guy who was going to the same place as I was. I told me I wanted a last drink and I bought a can of fruit beer crap. We both headed into the bathroom where he shot up something and I drank about a third of the drink. We headed back and shortly we got to the place.

It was not at all like it showed on the pictures. I was not at all like it was explained to me and really really different from any place I had gone to. There were bars on the windows and I was told they were going to strip search me. I was not there for drugs nor had I ever done drugs. I had never been arrested or strip searched and I have dealt with body issues my whole life, I dont wear shorts or tank tops I wear sweaters and sweat shirts even in the summer if I wear a dress I have leggings on I dont take pictures I dont like my body. I refused I told them that there was nothing in the intake letters about any of this. I also told them that I was shown that I would have either a private room or 1 room mate but in that facility there were 3 sets of bunk beds each 3 high so 9 people per room. The showers were co-ed and could only be taken on alternating days from the women and men. The whole place looked like a jail. I told them that there must have been a mistake that maybe I was supposed to be switched on the van as well.

Thats when they called the cops on me they told the cops that upon intake I was 3 times the legal limits of alcohol which was not true because I had only had about a 3rd of 1 drink and I did not drink the day before because I had been in the hospital. When the cops arrived I was given 3 options stay there, brought to a homeless shelter, or go to jail.

I decided to stay there I did the strip search I was refused all of my medications for my heart, depression, anxiety, kidney, and for my stomach and I was told that I could speak to someone about it the next day. So I stayed that first night and first thing in the morning I asked to speak to someone when I was told I wasnt going to be allowed to speak to anyone until I started following their program. The last my family had heard from me they were not sure if I had been arrested or what and I asked to call them so they could get me to a proper facility. I was then told that if I called I would be driven to the homeless shelter immediately.

My husband begged them to wait until he got there so did my mother but both were unsuccessful and there was nothing I could do. So there I was with a few dollars in my pocket in the middle of a big city a dead cell phone because they had taken it and 3 suitcases. I wasnt dropped off a homeless shelter I was dropped off a bus station. One that wasnt running any more buses and was minutes from closing.

So I took the most important things out of two suitcases combined the 3 into 1 and went looking for a coffee shop. I didnt find a coffee shop though I found a bar. I had enough money to go into the liquor store and buy 3 shots of alcohol and one drink at the bar. I sat and talked to someone at the bar for a while but I kept getting up to 1 check on my phone the bartender was charging for me and two to go in the bathroom to take the shots. Thats the last thing I remember before being found on the side of the road covered in bruises cuts I actually dont remember being found I remember ending up in a hospital and I remember seeing two cops and I was really afraid I was going to be arrested and I left and an uber driver called my husband and the uber driver got me a hotel room which my husband paid him back for the next day.

It was stupid of me to go to a bar, and to leave my drink unattended. I go from being angry at myself then to the facility that lied and is currently closed due to deaths at the facility as well as insurance scam. I did not do the research I should have, I should have had back up plan in place, I should have found that shelter and I wouldnt have been raped.

There’s no going back but in my mind I struggle to move past this. I hate myself for being so stupid. I wish I had just done a little more research because I was ready I was excited. I wanted help. Now Im still sick Now I dont have insurance  Now I dont work and I dont have the money to seek treatment again. I not very hopeful that I will ever see my days in recovery. I know I am sick now I know this pain is getting worse and my body is not recovering like it used to. So thats where Im at now. Not able to move past all the little things that lead me there. If I had done just one thing different the domino affect would have gone a different way. Or maybe that was just my path.