Odd one out
What hurts so much is that my rich brother is paying the whole shot for his family and my daughter to go on this big holiday. My dad will be hooking up with them in Spain for the Mediterranean cruise. My whole family on vacation together, how nice. But someone is missing from this picture… me. I guess it’s my own fault for prioritizing things in my life so well that I forgot to pencil in anything "fun". I seriously can’t justify spending, nor do I have, a spare $10,000 x 2 (if I include my husband,) to go on a holiday abroad. No, we put our money on more practical things like new siding for our 40+ year old house, and a brand new vehicle. I think we deserved the vehicle since we’ve both been beating around in old, rusted, rattle-traps for a couple of decades. Priorities. We just don’t have the riches to be able to have it all, do it all, like they do.
They always give her the vacations and fun things, while I got to pay for her education, by my self, through being ever so thrifty and responsible, and investing my popper’s income wisely back when I was still working. I’ve never even heard a simple "thank you" from her lips. I do everything for her.. laundry, cleaning; she even has a car to drive! All she does is put the gas in it. I even "allow" her boyfriend to sleep over, in her bed, the damn fool that I am. I don’t approve of it at all, but I am just so scared and beaten down that I can’t say "no" to her for fear of being hated even more. Somewhere along the way, she got this massive chip on her shoulder and it’s manifested into the nastiest or all character evils: entitlement. (I am born, therefore I am deserve to get what I want.) I knew that when I birthed a child, there were certain things I’d be responsible for as a parent, and I feel I fulfilled all of that and more. All I want now is some credit, respect, and genuine appreciation. Hell, I’d even take her being civil to me, even just once in a blue moon.
Right now, this very minute, my brother’s wife is treating the girls to mani/pedis for their trip. I don’t get invited to these things, but then again, why should I? No. I stayed home and painted my own god-damned nails, all the while wiping tears and snot away because I know what a fucking reject I am.
And people wonder why I "like" or "want" to be sick. This time I just want to waste away to nothing, and be as non-existent as I feel.