She Says/All She Needs is/Therapy

The big dog is taking me way too seriously as I wail to Mister that I don’t want to rest and be taken care of and have my period I WANT TO BE PLOWED LIKE A PARKING LOT so good you find a hidden car everyone forgot about three months later! He cannot parse the difference between me yelling at someone and yelling to them.

‘Jodie wears a hat
Although
It hasn’t rained for six days’

On Friday, at the little dog’s annual, the vet remarked that she wouldn’t have expected me to be the kind of person with a vicious dog. I’m not sure what kind of person she does expect that from, but I am pleased to learn that I apparently do not read as someone with a dangerous dog at my disposal.

‘she says
;A girl needs a gun these days
Hey on account of those rattlesnakes
On account of those rattlesnakes;’

Then yesterday, doing target practice for the first time in two years, one of the old men looked me hard in the eye as we were leaving the range. I was truly and thoroughly delighted to hear
.                                                               ;I would not have expected any of that just from looking at you when you walked in;
.                                                                 I do not know if my impressive grouping_{<after two years derelict, no less>} or my absolutely feral personality
.                                                                 was the surprising part. Either or both is very fine with me.

I grinned extremely toothily at him_{<the range is outdoors so it was my first time unmasked in years>} and promised to come back soon.

‘She never finds no trouble
She tries too hard
She’s oblivious 
Despite herself”

I was still bone cold when I got home, and my frigid fingers always ache from repacking mags outdoors and gloveless. But the combination of being strikingly underestimated twice in 24 hours in very different ways has been just intensely comforting and confidence-building. It is important right now to be incredibly dangerous to people who wish me harm and hearing that I’m making invisible progress in that direction soothes the dread a little.

‘All you need is love is all you need’

I am a cockroach queer to the core_{<rather than a nice or friendly queer>} but I think there’s always room for improvement. Smelling like gunpowder again is a comfort in these times.

‘She says ;oh
It’s so hard to love when
Love was
Your great disappointment;
Account of those rattlesnakes

She says ;a girl needs a gun these days
Hey
A girl needs a gun these days 
Hey on account of those rattlesnakes;’
– Tori Amos