Update…. finally… sorry T

I’ve been working entirely too much… lol… just kidding. Last week it seemed like it, just because we were super busy and we had really sick kids in the NICU. I had to enter orders I had no idea what the heck they were or how to even enter them correctly. Needless to say, I was on the phone with the lab and pharmacy alot and probably annoying the crap outta them. Oh well. That’s what they are there for. I assumed that it’d be better to call them to enter the orders in right the FIRST time, rather than enter them in wrong, and have them calling me and yelling at me. Apparently I would have gotten yelled at either way. Oh well.

I got back from Kentucky on Monday. My dad and I drove Poulas’ car to Ohio on Friday night after I worked 7a-3p. We left about 8p and got there on Saturday around 8a our time (9a their time). It was the longest drive ever. It didn’t help that I was exhausted, my dad was exhausted, and I had a killer headache. It was super nice to see Poulas. T- I was reading your entry and the words “Out of sight, out of mind” were exactly what I was struggling with this past weekend. No matter how much I don’t see him, those feelings are still there, so that concept of out of sight out of mind hasn’t worked for me. I don’t know if those feelings will ever go away. I hope they do. But, just when I think I’m getting over him, I see him, and it all comes back, and those feelings are there all over again, just like they hadn’t gone anywhere.

It’s funny though, why is it, when Poulas and I live hundreds of miles away we talk… I mean actually talk… about things that matter… not just chitchat. But, when we lived in the same bedroom we hardly talked to each other?! I know there was alot going on when we lived together, but, all that stuff should have made us closer, not become strangers. We hardly saw each other as it was when I lived there. He was always at the hospital with dad.

My goal for someday is to move on. I think that goal will be harder than I realized. I don’t want to find another guy to take his place, because that isn’t fair to the guy. Poulas will always be around… in the back of my mind… in the deepest part of my heart.

There was a plane crash in Lexington, Kentucky on Sunday (the day before I was flying out from Cincinnati)… I was sitting at the airport the following day (monday) and I was texting Stephanie… I told her that if something happened to me and I didn’t make it back, to get a hold of Poulas and tell him my dream of him and I finally died… with me.” It’s sad because I think that’s what it’s going to take for me to finally give up that dream of him and I being together. It will follow me to my grave I’m afraid. But, I don’t know what the future holds… so, we’ll see I guess.

Anyways, I need to get going. Time to leave for work. I need to make a few stops before actually going to work. So, sorry again it’s taken forever for me to update. Everytime I want to do it, I get sidetracked and end up not doing it. Sorry!! Things are going really good though. Can’t complain.

OH… Stephanie and I are looking into a house of some type for us to live in. Going to look at it on Friday. I’m excited.

Alissa