Scary Thought:

I was sitting at the game last night… usual spot… by myself… and I couldn’t concentrate. I was there but my heart and mind wasn’t there… what is my problem?? I love Hockey… everything about Hockey… and last night I was somewhere else… I don’t like that… and it scares me. It’s getting harder and harder doing everything by myself all the time… even Hockey. It’s annoying me. I want someone to share that with. I want someone to come home to/with after the game.. after work… after running errands. I got so desperate last night for human interaction that I text Josh… not that Josh isn’t a nice guy or whatever… just I don’t want to lead him on in anyway… just wanted someone, anyone to hang out with. I feel sorta bad about it cause he still likes me and wants to date me… but I am still holding back. I can’t think of any good reason why I shouldn’t date him… I just don’t feel that way about him. He’s a good guy… and he cares about me, yet I don’t feel the same. And I’m not going to force it. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

Anyways, there’s a game again tonight. I’m still not with it tonight but maybe something will change. I don’t know. Marcus was there last night… looking like CRAP. It’s distracting now when he is there… I have no desire to talk to him, but it’s still distracting. Maybe because I’m still angry and just want to punch him in the face.. I don’t know.

I wish I could turn my brain off. It’s exhausting me anymore. So, I guess it’s time once again to buck up, put on a happy face and face the world… alone. As usual.

Alissa