Regarding Death

I like the responses I’ve got from that question regarding death. Let me try to explain… I like planning things… I like things going according to plan… and when something strays from the plan I have a hard time dealing… for me the thing about death that scares me is not knowing how.. I’m not afraid to die, I just kind of want to be given the heads up so I know what to expect. I know that sounds crazy… and I’m sure people are starting to get worried. I don’t even want to know when it’s going to happen… I just want to know how. I have a feeling I am going to die in a car accident… yet, even though I think that, I’m not scared of getting behind the wheel and driving. Knowing won’t prevent me from doing it still. Maybe I’m just totally fucked up. I don’t know.

Anyways, I’m at my parents, and it’s sooooo weird walking into my old room and seeing it now and remembering what it used to look like. It’s strange for me. But, at the same time it seems so much smaller than I remember… Who knew when I was sitting in that room struggling and crying my eyeballs out because my parents and I weren’t getting along and I needed to find a place to live that I would be where I’m at now.. and how amazing my relationship with my parents is now!! It’s been a tough struggle and rough road, but I’m here… I’m striving. And I’m semi happy. Still having bouts of lonliness, but I think everyone has those moments.

There’s a Hockey game tonight and tomorrow night that I’m going to. There was one last night but I had to work. Apparently we lost 5-3. BLAST… lol… Marcus was texting me keeping me up to date. Too bad we lost!! 🙁

Anyways, that’s all for now. I need to get back to my house and mow my lawn.

Alissa