Is this a phase of transformation?

There is too much going on with me nowadays; too much outside of me, and too much inside my mind.

On the outside, there is MSTC; there is work project; there is a change in role to product management.

On the inside, there is this growing realization that time is slipping by, and I am being left behind (on career as well as personal side); there is a realization of childhood patterns that are holding me back (defeatist attitude, moody, pessimistic low energy disposition, low confidence, etc).

I feel optimistic now, though, inspite of all this. I feel I might be turnign a corner here, as I get closer of 40. I am gaining new mental realizations

1. It is what you do that matters. And that is the only thing that matters [don’t pay so much attention to what others are doing, and what they think of you]

2. It is my business to promote myself [no one else will, and that is okay and to be expected]

3. I become what I let inside my mind. So watch it and keep it clean of unfruitful chatter

4. ACT and BE confident, and the feeling will come.

5. I am good and better than many others in many respects [ability to think deeply/strategically, think keeping organizations interest at top of mind, great analytical and follow through, ability to sense what is coming, a great wide perspective on things, etc). And I don’t have to be perfect to feel good about myself, because no one else is.

6. I got to feel good about who I am. I am great as is. I don’t need to change for the better to start feeling good about myself.

Normally, I would have given up on the chance to speak at the OpenStack summit sessions, and felt negative about myself and about others. But as I was driving in my car to the office, I decided to take positive action instead of submitting to the situation. I acted on a plan of action that put me on the stage. Great job there. Kudos to you – this was kind of a first for yourself. Also, looking back, I normally get what I aim for

– moving into product management

– going to the conferences [already went to 3 conferences, my target for this year]

– working on the most important/ critical project [PaaS]

– speaking at the conference

– doing a master’s

– moving from a dev role to a dev manager role, move to Austin

– buying a house

– etc etc

It is clear I have gotten into habit of focussing only on what I still dont have, and taking for granted what I already have or just got. Resetting that now. And already feeling better.