Bad dream

I had the worst dream any mom could have. I dreamt they hid in my car and after I strapped in my baby girl they took her. I felt the crushing pain of not knowing where she was or what was happening to her. I remember searching for her and collapsing because she couldn’t be found. No trace of her was left. Then the doorbell rang and I went down to open it and there she was trying to open the door on her own. I felt the rush of relief. I asked her what had happened to her. Where she was. Did they do bad things. She told me (she was still 4, but spoke like a 10 year old) that they took her into a basement and tied her up. They hung her by her hands until she thought they had fallen off and they had hurt her privates. I felt the crushing pain again with the guilt of happiness because at least I had her back.

I woke up at this point with a crushing headache and was overcome by the scent of a nearby skunk. I instantly got up and went into Kenzie’s room and gave her a cuddle (Mommy. What are you doing? Can you turn on my music?) and then went back to bed where I fought falling back asleep until I could convince my brain that it wasn’t real.

Pat helped by holding me until I relaxed. He kept saying that it was a dream and that our baby was safe. So sweet.

It’s been a long time since I had a bad dream that I couldn’t turn around and change while still being asleep. It sucked.