War Kicks Ass.

 What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, unless you are a pussy.

All you peace protestors are full of shit. You say you represent truth, justice, and popular demand, but you don’t. Nobody wants peace. Peace is for suckers. Peace is boring and shitty. Has any video game, movie, or book ever been written about peace? None that wouldn’t put a body in a coma, I say. Since when has anything ever been accomplished in peace time? And I mean something worthy of respect – bullshit like folding paper cranes doesn’t count. The way I see it, now is as good a time as any for a good ol’ fashion war. Basically anything that gets rid of people is fine with me. A lot of people may think me an asshole for saying this, but the way I see it, I got three good reasons getting my back for why war kicks ass.

1). Jesus said so.

 Jesus isn’t fucking around, people. 
I’ve met a whole lot of dipshit Christians who say that Jesus is the Prince of Peace, that war is against GOD, and other crap that pretty much contradicts their own holy book in every way conceivable. For those of you hardcore Christians who actually red the Bible, you will know that Christ “came not to send peace, but a sword.” (Matthew 10:34). This isn’t some bullshit metaphor, he was talking about setting man in variance against his neighbours. If you don’t believe me, read the quote – it is there. Furthermore, the second coming of Christ, which is desired by all Christians, is said to come when "you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom" (Matthew 24:3–7)

From what I am getting, this means that only when war has gripped the Earth will Christ’s return be ensured. So what kind of message are all you anti-war Christians sending? I will tell you what; by demanding world peace, you are pretty much putting up a big ol’ sign on the Earth that says "Christ, you are not welcome here". How rude considering he is your Lord and Savior. Christ is meant to come when war is at hand, and he plans on bringing a big ass sword to fight evil. Who the hell wouldn’t want that to come about? Dam, I wanna buy my tickets in advance is all I gotta say.

2). Blood For Oil is a pretty sweet deal
I don’t know about all you peacenik motherfuckers, but I think the Blood-For-Oil policy is a great idea – way better than the bullshit Food for Oil policy those assholes at the UN had set up. I know a lot of people think I am full of shit for saying such a thing, but here are four easy facts as to why Blood For Oil is the way to go.

a). Your car will not run on blood.
Go ahead, try it. Kill a few sods (animals or homeless people, it doesn’t really matter as long as they won’t be missed) and use their blood to fill your tank. It won’t work, trust me, and you will probably get in trouble with the law if someone finds out. You will prolly fuck up your car too. But try the same thing with gasoline. Bet it works now, huh? Same shit goes for airplanes and boats. So unless you are willing to give up the use of your car, air mail, and cruise ships, quit your bitching.

b). It is impossible to make plastic out of blood.
If you are reading this, chances are you are using a computer and keyboard with plastic casings. You probably don’t realize how much you use plastic and other petroleum products. Your toothbrush, parts of your car, your computer, that soda bottle, hell, even your clothes have plastic in them. Synthetic rubbers also require petroleum, as do solvents used to make paint, inks, and laquers. Paraffin wax and asphalt used in roads also uses oil. Can you make all that shit out of blood? GO ahead and try, but don’t come crying when it don’t work.

c). Blood is a terrible lubricant.
Not only does blood not grease the squeaky wheel, it encourages rusting in metal joints. If you don’t believe me, try it. It is laden with water and free radicals. You wanna fuck up a squeaky wheel, use blood. You want it to work right? Oil is the way to go.

d). Blood doesn’t burn very well.
Aside from the body heat of a hot chick, blood doesn’t do very well for keeping your house warm during those cold winter nights. Blood is mostly water, which makes it poor for burning. Sure a body could use natural gas, but during especially cold months, petroleum tends to supplement natural gas as a primary heating fuel. When can blood do that?

There are more reasons why oil is superior to blood, but I think I have made my point. The fact that oil is also a valuable commodity makes it an attractive option. Get enough of it, an a war of any size pretty much pays for itself. I think the best reason why though is because oil is a scare resources while blood is found in most bastards, which are quite abundant. Here is an example:

 Morons. Why is there never a suicide bomber around when you really need one? 
By the way, before anyone bitches, I should mention that even if I agreed with these assholes, it don’t make a difference. Protestors are morons period, but that is a point left for another day. This brings me to my last point.

3). There are too many people cluttering up the planet.

Most of the world is populated by total jackasses, and given recent events, a good deal of them are violent ethnocentric berks who would just as soon kill you as look at you. I find it ironic that most people protesting in the name of peace aredefending some of the most violent and hateful people in existence. A lot of these so-called "liberals" are also incredibly annoying, intolerant, and downright smelly (if you don’t believe me, spend a week in San Francisco). So my view is, why not get rid of both and get oil at the same time?

The way I see things, there are too many dumb pieces of shit cluttering up the world and most of these people require oxygen, food, water, and oil, among other things. People keep bitching that there is an energy crisis and that water and oil reserves won’t last another ten years. Well the way I see it, if you nuke a few countries and cut down people by the millions, this won’t really be a problem, now will it? Assholes are bitching about the supply when the problem lies with the demand. But both problems (and a host of others unmentioned) can be solved with some good ol’ fashion daisy cutters, and the best place to start is the middle east.

If you do the math, you can see that there is a terrorist threat going down. Those towers didn’t bring themselves down. Those kids in Russia didn’t die on their own and all the bombings, shootings, and decapitations don’t just happen. Someone is responsible, and what better way to solve the problem than by drafting the bastards defending them, putting guns in their hands, and ordering them to charge a machine gun nest? If you throw in goths, vegans, and people who watch Oprah, you got a surefire way to capitalize on the dead bastard/oil ratio. For me, trading in fake vampires and hippies in return for oil isn’t much of a decision – it’s a given. The best part is that it doesn’t really matter whether the army of American Assholes is killed or the oil-hoarding bigots bite it. Either way, I win. And for all the bastards who think I am wrong: I don’t know what I did to make you somehow think that your opinion actually matters, but I take it back.

 You have to kill these guys to get to the sweet, sweet oil. What’s it gunna be? 

-His Divine Shadow