Up yours, Lance! Nobody cares about your bracelet.
Somewhere long ago, a team of corporate assholes at Nike and partners at the Lance Armstrong foundation thought to themselves: "teenagers sure are stupid. The fall for the same over-hyped MTV trends over and over again, making us tons of money. But how can we get adults to fall for the same scam?" The answer came when The Live-Strong! Bracelet was born, once again proving that people only care about life threatening conditions when a celebrity has one.
I can’t stand seeing those little yellow bracelets. Every time I see one, I know that is one more self-important asshole declaring to the world, "LOOK WHO GAVE A DOLLAR TO HELP CANCER RESEARCH!!!" Nice going chief, you contributed a dollar. Watch out colon cancer, one dickhead donated a dollar to cancer research. Of course, you could have done more if you had bothered to donate real money to a legitimate cancer research institute like The American Cancer Society, or The American Association for Cancer Research, but then where would you get your trendy yellow bracelet?
Everyone who buys one of these things is an idiot. If you really want to help support cancer research, don’t donate to the Lance Armstrong Foundation – donate to legitimate long-standing cancer research facilities and organizations. That way your donation actually goes to a research facility and not to some ambiguous foundation run by a celebrity asshole trying to bolster his image and Nike, that disperses the money from the proceeds at their discretion.
Meanwhile, Lance Armstrong is doing great after winning that bicycle tournament no normal person gives a shit about FOR THE FIFTH TIME. Just last month, he was on that soul-sucker Oprah’s show. No doubt his popularity and marketable powers are soaring, powers he will most likely use to sell out like Tiger Woods did to make huge wads of cash thanks to his idiot fans that promote him for free. But I am sure that this would NOT be the whole reason he and his friends came up with the Live-Strong idea. It’s just for charity. Don’t let this entry that makes way too much sense stop you from buying and wearing a stupid yellow piece of plastic that announces to the world that you contributed, out of the goodness of your own heart, a dollar to fight cancer.
I know at least one self-righteous bastard is going to mail me saying "BUT SHADOW, ITS FOR A GOOD CAUSE!" So is shutting the hell up, freak. I know the Live-Strong idea is to promote cancer research, but what stopped you from helping cancer research with donations before a trendy bracelet became available? Was looking cool the primary motivation that captured your shallow interest, or was it the fact that every time you wear a shitty yellow bracelet, you show off to other people that you "care?" Yeah, you care, about yourself you self-centered twat.
I am sure there is no shortage of people who believe that exploiting the gullibility and trend-seeking impulse in Americans is justified if it helps cancer research. While I am the last person who would argue that taking advantage of idiots is a bad thing, that doesn’t make a person who actually buys into this bullshit any less of a self-centered lemming.
I just recently discovered also that the LiveStrong trend was an excellent marketing opportuniy for other assholes looking to make a quick buck. Like these:
The Next Stupid Fad, now brought to you in assorted flavors of dumbass
Great. Exactly what we need, more trendy bracelets ripping off a stupid fad to express a bullshit opinion no one asked for. It’s things like this that make me second-guess whether or not weapons of mass destruction really are all that bad.
-His Divine Shadow
yeah i hate seeing it too. but, you just gotta remember, that money IS going to help people. perhaps not in the best way but its still money that will help that otherwise wouldntv been donated.
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My friend has a black on that says Conquer All – I thought that one was awesome! 🙂
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I agree with you. Why should I care even more about curing some disease whenever a celebrity gets it? Half the time they totally deserve it anyway.
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Lmao…this entry was pretty funny. Theres also an ovary cancer one that isnt in the collage. When I first saw that bracelet I realized they were taking this a little far. Theyre making these things for EVERYTHING. Love
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I’m gonna make a bracelet that says “Fuck every gay, homeless, crippled, diseased asshole out there.” I expect sales to go through the roof.
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you do have a point and all, but people are at least donating something, and sometimes thats all people have. i donate money all the time so it wasnt an inssue to donate one dollar to a corporation thats helping someone. Bracelet or not bracelet, its still generosity, and the livestrong corp. has sold over 40 million bracelets, tell me thats not effective?
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bruce read this and quietly threw out his SUPPORT POP-UP ADS bracelet in shame…
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You have no idea how many kids come into Claire’s asking for those stupid bracelets…and the worst part is, we sell an Ovarian Cancer version (light blue) which they all denounce as being ‘not real’. Yes. That’s right. Kids refuse to donate to a charity because it’s not yellow. What REALLY amuses me is that Lance had (among other things) testicular cancer…(cont.)
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(cont.) and the ovaries are the female testicles…and Claire’s is a store for girls…so wouldn’t it make sense for them to buy the ovarian cancer one? Oh, that’s right, it’s not yellow. I love that everyone involved in this fad is so mindless that they can’t pick their own charity to support; they have to follow the crowd. Obviously, I’ve hated those fucking bracelets for awhile.
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I used to feel the same way as you do about the Live-Strong bracelets. Then I stopped giving a fuck altogether.
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*gags* This is worse than the WWJD? thing.
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RYN: Yep yep to everything you said, except for the slapping-to-death thing. Everybody knows that *I* am the queen of bitch-slapping……….. …….on OD, anyway. In real life, I’m more of a lover-not-a-fighter person. *minces away*
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I agree with you in most cases…but I have an orange one that says, “Let the people decide”…the actual wearing of the bracelet, and not the money in this case, is what’s important…the show of solidarity…but you won’t see it in the U.S. because hell, it’s not even in english!!! :0)
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Wow, I always figured your arms would be decorated with all those cancer bracelets. How wrong I am! RYN: *Belch*
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. k, static ninja offers it up. and i figure that’s true. but i think 40 million bracelets sold is a good thing, and using people’s own shallowness to help a legimate cause is a good thing, and donating to the American Cancer Society is a good thing. I just have one question tho: Do you donate? .357 Magnum Motherfukker!
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I work for a retailer who sold the livestrong bands. We actually sold other baller id bands long before that…. but the part that pisses me off the most is that a lot of people dont even know that they’re donating to the LAF…they just think they’re being hip or whatever.
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I’ve always had my doubts about the Breast Cancer Awareness campaign myself. Everyone is supposed to wear a simple knotted pink ribbon on their chest. Er- why? Why do people wear it anyway? To say “I’m aware of the gravity of this situation”? Or “look, you should be aware of the gravity of this situation”? Or is it “HAHA, I know more than you about the gravity of this situation!”
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I’m currently in a financial bind. In simple terms, I’m pisspoor. I’ve lost two people I loved to cancer. But I don’t wear the bracelet to say “Hey! Look at me, I paid a dollar for a band of rubber and it went to a good cause!” I wear it because my aunt, and Danny, lived their lives as if they didn’t have cancer. They had the disease, the disease didn’t have them. (cont’d)
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I wear the bracelet because it reminds me to keep my head up when isht gets tough. I don’t think LiveStrong should just apply to the cancer battle either. It should apply to life. I wear it because it means something personal to me, not because I want to jump on a bandwagon. But I enjoyed your entry. I’m gonna go read your take on the DaVinci Code. And I’m adding you to my favorites.
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PS. Lance Armstrong has won six Tour de Frances. I don’t really care about the bike race either, but the fact he didn’t let cancer get him down does count for something in my book. I’ve never personally met him, so I can’t really say for sure if he’s an a$$hole or not…but I’ll take your word for it.
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Sorry to note so much, but when I wasn’t pisspoor, I did donate more money than a dollar. I also volunteered with the ACS. Okay, now really, I’m going to go read your entry about DaVinci.
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I wonder if people would still buy the bracelet if they knew that he’s a pig who cheated on his wife and left her for a celebrity. I also wish people would ask where their dollars actually are going. are they going to build hospitals for kids with cancer? or are they going to infect monkeys with tumors so scientists can stick needles in them? who cares; they look cool.
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and per your restaurant suggestion, the first thing I envisioned was a diner in the shape of a submarine. *shrugs* take care,
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