The Return of His Divine Shadow’s Diary Ratings!!!

For those of you assholes who haven’t red my diary before, I have a diary rating system inspired by all the other diaries that exist solely for the purpose of telling other people what the value of their little piece of online real estate is. Now, my system has been around for a while, so I am not going to explain it all over again for the idiots. Just read this entry and proceed with caution.

First off, I’d like to give a quick shout-out to [Gives Head]. If I am supposedly "not important enough to hate" why are you leaving me multiple notes? Or apparently writing an entire entry in your diary about me? Or telling all your friends about me? I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone try so hard at "not caring." I don’t know what your entry says beyond what people have told me (and you can bet your ass I won’t be finding out for myself), but I have no doubt it is some sob story about how you are being unfairly abused on this site because of that stupid user name. I guess I should have mentioned in my entry that it is your ATTITUDE, not your diary or username that provoked the entry I wrote. Oh wait, I DID say that in my last entry. I guess you just weren’t paying attention. My bad. So much for the theory that you can read.

And before I forget, here is a quick note to all the assholes. You look like complete dicks when you try to "correct" my spelling. Did it ever occur to you jackasses that I misspell certain words ON PURPOSE to ambush you retards? It shure did occur to people who note/IM me regularly, cos it is always the same words I "misspell." Maybe you should focus on being able to write one 500-character note without typos before criticizing my style, bitch.

As for those of you who are of the opinion that I and/or my diary sucks, do you really think you have a right to complain? I tried to find a diarist among the hate noters I’ve received to see if I could find a single one that had the credibility to judge the quality of other diaries. In other words, I tried to see if any of these hate noting diarists didn’t suck. The following is the resulting account of what a collosal failure my expedition was:

[PerfectXFlaw] The.Teenage.Catastrophe
I don’t think I could have come up with a better title to describe this diary. Upon entering, I was greeted with an embedded music file. Way to force anyone who visits you to indulge in your goth-rock bullshit music obsession, [PerfectXFlaw]. And that is just a preview for the content from this diarist who so cleverly announces that "MY TEEN AnGsT HAS A BoDy CoUnT!" Only a billboard could have done a better job advertising what a tremendous loser you are.

It only gets worse from here. Most of the intro is so mind-numbing, I won’t recount most of it here, except like most "alternative" culture idiots, this dumbass spouts on and on about non-conformance, which would be admirable if she didn’t conform to the same goth-emo-hardcore stereotype that is so pathetic that it makes me wish abortion was not only legal, but mandatory for morons like this. This goes on to describe how the diarist has no life (duh) and proceeds to ambush us with a HUGS counter and a declaration of her Christian faith, because nobody would have expected that one from such a wannabe-badass diary. That would have been a clever little trick if anyone gave a shit.

The only good thing in this diary is the advice it gives to visitors:

"I enjoy writing, reading and my lovely Sanity (AKA computer. I have no/ I suck at life.) If you don’t like it, don’t read it."

Thanks for the advice, bitch. I won’t be returning here anytime soon.
His Divine Rating:F

[GemStarOfCyprus] Weird Shit That Happens…
Before I begin, let me address your note by saying that I did visit your diary and was wondering what I wrote that a loser like you actually liked enough to add me to faves. I wish I could find out so I could delete the entry in question – the last thing I want to do is attract more assholes like you. Now, on to the diary rating:

The colour scheme in itself I think merits the rating I give this entry, but it doesn’t stop there.

"(If you’re getting bored of the whole "I love Sefer, no I don’t, I love Merkan, no I don’t" saga, don’t bother reading this entry. I have to get it out somehow though, and I type faster than I write)"

This warning should be plastered on the entire diary, and "I love Sefer, no I don’t, I love Merkan, no I don’t" should be replaced with "This whole fucking diary." I think I just got stupider reading a diary that looks like it was written by a 13 year old middle school dropout.

Oh, and before I forget, only assholes embed videos into their entries. It’s just common sense.
His Divine Rating:F

[Lemmy Ou], Where is my mind?
This diarist deserves to be dragged out into the street and shot for the profane cover page alone. Everything about this diary sucks, from the lame JavaScript cursor trail to the bullshit entries with song lyrics posted in them. Why do people post song lyrics in diary entries anyway? It is because they think we give a shit? Do you think you are somehow deep because you are posting song lyrics for songs you like? Because you aren’t: YOU DIDN’T WRITE THOSE SONGS, ASSHOLE. And if someone really likes the songs you post the words to, guess what – they are probably going to be listening to the music, and not reading your sorry-ass diary.

Get a clue moron. Those Javascript Trails are lame and shitty. Just because a script exist doesn’t mean you should use it. JS trails are not clever, THEY ARE ANNOYING. Oh yeah, and I didn’t think I would be able to sleep at night without knowing that you are "60% Slut." Way to go, Lemmy, there’s never a dull moment at this crapfest.

In short, stop writing this pathetic excuse for a diary and go lie down on some train tracks. Asshole.
His Divine Rating:<strong style="FONT-SIZE: 18pt;COLOR: red; FONT-FAMILY: arial,helvetica,sans-serif”>F

[Chanel Girl] What it feels like..for a girl
Another diary that shoves shitty MIDI music down my throat. That alone makes me want to deface this diary out of spite, but that isn’t the worst of it. Nobody really needed to see the results of a test to know you have a personality disorder. It’s obvious that the only personality disorder you suffer from is that you are FUCKED UP. You should really consider committing yourself for being FUCKED UP.

Oh, and thanks for posting all the Madonna pictures on your page so it takes no less than 500 YEARS to scroll to the entry box. The only good I can see coming from this is that the fortunate will give up and go away without being exposed to your shitty personality. Seriously, talking shit about someone’s diary and not expecting retaliation is completely retarded, but not a retarded as your celebrity worship entries. Die already, you stupid, stupid fuck.

Oh, and before I forget, thanks for reporting me, [Chanel Girl]. It is a good idea to get people like me off this website. The OpenDiary needs more people like you – people with shitty diaries and bad advice, like asking a girl who’s coach is about to tell her parents about suspected self abuse to accuse said coach of coming onto her so no one will believe him. People with integrity like yours are the last people who should be complaining about character defamation.
His Divine Rating:F

[Mychemicalromance198] Your never coming home
"The Diary of the Punk Rock Princess
Hi everyone I am Lindsey. I am 23 from Peoria, IL. I am a punk girl and some call me a Punk Rock Princess. I enjoy life and I live with two kick ass roommates. I am obessed with My Chemical Romance. Anything you need to learn from me you will find all the info you need in my entries so be sure to read and don’t forget to leave me notes!"

I think this one pretty much speaks for itself. What a fucking idiot. And THIS person is telling me I should get a life? Not that I would take the words of a person "obessed" with My Chemical Romance seriously, but come on. I’m not even going to bother reading the rest of this diary. The intro itself is nightmare enough.
His Divine Rating:F

[Stellar Girl] Check my back for wings >j<
Uh oh, looks like the 54,859th time someone has accused me of plagiarism! Man, I sure am glad that [Stellar Girl] was able to put me in my place with the age old accusation that I am "copying Maddox." I’ll have to admit she shure 0wned my shit on that one. I couldn’t think of a better person to call me on my bullshit than a person who’s diary is not only boring, but hinges on original OpenDiary concepts like stickies and Internet Dolls on the front page that are used by half the OpenDiary users as well as reposted TAGS and mopey entries about some guy who probably realizes you are an even bigger bitch than I do. It’s a good thing that your diary is original, unlike mine. Oh wait…

Oh shit, I can’t use the words "oh wait" because they weren’t real words until Maddox used them. My bad! I must admit, I did copy and paste all my entry text from a magical entry of his that doesn’t exist. Oh yeah, and I used phrases like "NOBODY CARES", phrases I think you all know were invented by Maddox and were never used prior to his website’s inception, just like the concept of angry rants kicking people’s asses who deserve it. I guess next you will say that this entry is a carbon copy of his rating of children’s artwork, despite the fact that I actually got the idea from Diary Rating ODs and that the concept of failing everyone is a pretty obvious gag, so obvious that I managed to do several of these kinds of entries before I even knew who Maddox was. But don’t let that stop you on your bullshit self-righteous crusade.

As far as your diary is concerned, it sucks ass through a straw. Nothing says "maturity" more than a dumbass with images all over her diary like her quip "It’s all about ME!" Thanks for warning the public that you are a self-centered bitch. And that you are 51% angel and 49% devil. We really needed to know that. Of course, nothing makes your intentions more clear than the sticky proclaiming you to be a "attention seeking whore." I think that might be the most honest statement on your entire diary. Too bad it, like the rest of your diary, is as tacky as all the other assholes who are telling me why my diary sucks.
His Divine Rating:F

[princess-peach-pie] Jingle Belle Rock
Just when I thought I had scraped the bottom of the barrel, I happened across this little gem. Another weight-conscious fatty diarist with a Christmas theme. If the OD world had a bridge, this would be the troll nesting underneath it. Like OpenDiary really needs another foray into the calorie counting world. Too bad the only people who care are the ones fucked up enough to share in your obsession. Take your 20 tickers and shove them up your fat ass, loser. People who care have calendars and basic math skills.
His Divine Rating:F

[M@nder] A Walk Down Memory Lane!!
Hey, thanks for your note telling me "your an ass!" to my face. Nothing gets me going like a poorly spelled insult. Good job, [M@nder].

I didn’t think it was possible for a diary to get more boring. Or for a diary chick to have an uglier picture. I am not alone in this opinion either. Apparently, over a thousand people on your HotOrNot profile seem to think you are worthy of no more than a 5.7 rating out of 10. Who the hell puts up a Hot or Not profile when she’s got a boyfriend anyway? The only answer I can think of is "a total bitch."

But enough about Amanda’s physical inadequacies, let’s get down to the diary. In a word, it sucks. If you don’t believe me, you should follow the advice of the opening lines of two entries:

"Its time for Amanda’s boring weekend recap!"
"So this week has been pretty boring."

Fortunately, this diarist is just talented enough to include a periodic image between each paragraph of her entries, in the hopes that they will make her readers momentarily forget how fucking boring this piece of shit is.
His Divine Rating:F

[Pixiegoddess] Poison Tears….Life Denied
After the unnecessary JavaScript alert and the bullshit music I was forced to listen to, I had to leave. The entry titles didn’t even make me want to venture further. More crappy pseudo-goth nonsense and trite writing from an obsessed fan of Lord of The Rings. I wish you were dead.
His Divine Rating:F

[supervixen1990]
This coward is on Faves Only. Jackass.
His Divine Rating:F

[thebrunettecometh] Not so teenage angst…
"Hi there. This Diary is favourites only for security reasons. If you would like access you are more than welcome to request it by leaving a note on this entry."

Security Concerns? Is your diary about your secret spy fantasies? Or are you just a self-important bitch who thinks that safeguarding her responses to surveys and personality tests can somehow be classified as "security reasons"? Unless you are a dumbass who posted her credit card number in one of her entries, I’m just going to go out on a limb and assume that you are probably just doing this to elevate your own self-importance. No doubt you have a diary hiding behind your Faves Only that is as shitty as the cover page. Moron.
His Divine Rating:F

This is going to have to do for now. I don’t think I can look at anymore uninspired, uncreative diaries without lapsing into a homicidal rage. I can’t wait for the onslaught of notes I will get from other people who "don’t care" about what I have to say. All I can say is that anyone of these diaries that leave me notes are effectively nominating themselves for the Hypocrite of the Year Awards, since they all passed judgment on my diary, and probably MaD’s too since I’ve noticed it is pretty much the same trolls noting me in my last entry. After all, what is a better way to assert your right to freedom of speech in your own diary than to criticize me for what I write in mine?

Either way, I won’t be responding no matter how many notes you send (unless I get something really good), and not just because this whole fight is already starting to bore me. Unlike your assertions to the contrary, I DO have a life and I will be busy with it for at least the next two weeks.

For the rest of y’all, you know how to get a hold of me in the interim.

-His Divine Shadow