Not sure this is such a good idea

It’s been a few months that I have really wanted to journal this thing, but having been burned in the past for keeping a “paper” journal, I vowed I’d never journal about the deep dark things again. Yet, almost daily, I have a desire to write these thoughts and feelings out. I’m taking that as I need to, so I sought out a private online journal. Let’s hope that is the case … “private”.

I think this may be all over the place, there is so much history, to start at the beginning would be like writing a novel starting from when I was 13 years old. Yes, it goes that far back. For reference, I’m 53 now ……so ….. yeah.

Have horrendous grammar skills ….. don’t judge.

Sometimes I think, is this really relevant enough to spend time journaling about, but in the moments I want to write, I guess it is.

Let me go ahead and add a little background …. very first boyfriend at 13, first kiss, first love, first heartbreak. I was 13 and in 8th grade, he was one year older in 9th grade. We meet in Home Ec class. It’s funny how some things are such vivid memories in our minds and then some others are absent or blurry. We had large square tables in Home Ec. There were 8 of us that sat at a table. He sat at my table. I had never even seen him in the halls before that class. He was this handsome Italian boy with these lazy sexy dark eyes and dark hair. He was sweet and kind and funny. We laughed a lot. I don’t remember him ever asking me to “Go With Him”. That’s what it was called back then, you went together as boyfriend and girlfriend. He played soccer and had this tight little adorable ass. That I do remember. I remember the first time we kissed, because it was my first kiss. After school one day, walking to the soccer field to his practice. We were holding hands, he was on my left side holding my left hand. All of a sudden he stops, turns himself in from of me and kissed me. I really good tongue kiss. Mine in return may not have been great considering it was my first. My heart was racing and my knees were weak. It was the best kiss ever ❤

I’m not sure how long we were “going together” before he cheated on me and we broke up. At the ninth grade dance, I wasn’t allowed to go because I was in 8th grade. He danced with and kissed a girl who had always made it clear she was interested in him. Broke my heart when I found out the next day. At some point later on we did get back together. I remember when the new school year started we were already back together, although he was in high school now so at another school. I was still in jr. high. I remember a few dates, going to his football games, and going to the beach. Ultimately he found a new girl at his own school and left me again.

At some point we hooked up in our early 20’s? I may have been 19, I’m not sure. I was working as a receptionist at the local gym and he must have come in to workout and we ended up making plans to see each other. That consisted of a drive in movie date where we had sex in his car for the first time in all of our years of have dated.  I never heard from him again after that night. In all honesty, I was in a serious relationship at the time but my BF was away at college so it was a long distance relationship.

Fast forward almost 30 year to February of 2014 and he was back in my life again. Guess how? Facebook of course. Ironically he never had a FB because he never wanted one, but his wife set it up for him and I found him. You know how it is, those few people that you occasionally check up on over the years. He was one that I was never able to locate until his wife set him up on FB.