I’m Still Here
Dear Diary,
I am so sorry for my last entry. I was in a very, very dark place. I was so afraid to be alone because I knew I was an absolute danger to myself. I have finally reached out and am starting to get the help I truly need, which is one of the hardest things in my life that I have done. I know it’s not a sign of weakness, but I can’t help but feel so ashamed. I can’t help my mind though. I can’t help the lies that I tell myself day in and day out. I need to realize that I am not worthless, I don’t deserve to die, I am loved, and my family, friends, and boyfriend will not be better off if I were to just die. I am a good person with a ton to offer.
I am so thankful for the mass amount of support that I have in my corner. I have a wonderful family, great friends, and one hell of an amazing boyfriend. Every one of these people in my life have been a rock and are helping me to fight this darkness that has overcome me. The boyfriend alone, what can I say. Most men would have run for the hills dealing with a woman like me, but not him. He’s been here to hold my hand, wipe my tears, hold me. Every day he seems to find a new way to tell me how much he loves me. Not so much in words, but in his actions. Diary, we’ve only been together for roughly 9 months, but I can tell this is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. How did I get so lucky to be with such an amazing man. I thank God every day for bringing him into my life.
Not much else going on these days. Aside from work, I’ve been focused on getting myself better. I’ve started going to the gym once a week with my 2 besties. It’s been going well. Last week we endured 45 minutes of dance cardio that totally kicked my butt. My hamstrings, quads, and abs have been pretty sore since. Every day is better, but man, did that kill! I think if we did that every week, though, we’d see results much quicker haha.
Anyway, that’s all for now. Until next time.
Your Friend,
That Girl
It’s very hard to ask for help, to admit you need help. It’s a strength to do that. I’m glad you’re still around.
@heffay I’m typically a private person outside of OD. I tend to suffer alone. People who don’t know me too well find me to be this bubbly burst of sunshine, they’d be so surprised to see me behind closed doors. Those closest to me do know my struggles, however, I don’t typically reach out. I’ve just never been that person. This month has just been way too much for me though. It was to the point that I was a danger to myself when being alone. Tricky, seeing as I do live alone. My boyfriend does have a key to my house though and tends to show up when he feels. I’m glad he did, because, honestly, I don’t think I would be here writing this. I am feeling better these days. As ashamed as I am that I have to get help, I am glad to be getting it. I am feeling a little better these days. Almost like my old self. I miss her..
Thank you for your kind words. I do appreciate it. 🙂
@hiddensadness I understand. I am known for downplaying my struggles and minimizing them. Getting help is the best way to get the old you back. It’s good that your boyfriend in your life.
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Don’t be ashamed. I’m glad your getting help even more you realize you needed it, that can be difficult for some. Keep the positivity coming.
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