Waiting for a miracle to happen

Yesterday I met Paolo. I told my mother that "some fellow patients from The Castle" were coming to town, just because I wanted to avoid my mother accusing me of trying to seduce Paolo. My mother always thinks I try to lure every man in my bed. Oh, if she only knew. Anyway, we met at the railway station and then we went to town. As we were drinking a coffee, he gave a gift – the man has almost no money to afford cigarettes and a glass of milk a day, but he thinks of making me a gift. It was a big cup for my morning coffee. Then, we started talking about his future… he will have to go in a therapeutic community on Monday. It is located in an out-of-the-way village, reached by a bus every two hours. Paolo seemed desperate. He said to me that he doesn’t know how he will manage to be away from me. And then, I saw tears in his eyes. I tried to calm him down, and I made clear that I see him as a brother, and I will always be his friend. I gave him a cigarette and I ordered an Ovomaltine for him, and he seemed to become more and more quiet. For me, it was a stressful time. I thought to go quickly to the grocery store with him, to buy him cigarettes and some things he needed, because he spent all his money to buy me the gift he gave me, and he had nothing left for himself. 

I also have funny news about that idiot of Salvo and that skinny little bitch of Jessica. Two days ago, Salvo and Jessica were caught in the act while having sex in Salvo’s bed. As far as Paolo knows, Jessica was doing it for a bottle of vodka. The fact is that that girl is what I mostly despise on this planet, one of those people who are the creators of their own disgrace. I hate that bitch. I hate her. I hate her. God, please, forgive me, but I hate her. I can’t forget the fact that Doctor Livio is so nice to her, that he took her in his arms. People like Jessica are the dregs of society. Not because they are ill, not because they are poor, but because they are scroungers and they take advantage of others. Sometimes I hope I could erase Jessica’s existence from my memory because… she makes me so angry. And Salvo is a dirty old man. The consequence of all this is that Salvo was sent home immediately. Thrown out of hospital without any possibility to come back again. And Jessica? Nobody knows. But, of course, she will manage to go on dirtying the world as she always did. I just tell you something, I won’t tolerate her touching Doctor Livio ever again in my presence. 

On another note, I forgot to say that Marvin totally forgot my birthday. He didn’t call me nor send me a text message until two days later, wishing just happy birthday, without adding anything else. I replied "Thank you ‘Vinny lover, but sadly you’re two days too late. Thank you anyway.". He called me, and he ridiculously sang that "Happy birthday" song for children. I interrupted and repeated, "You’re two days too late.". He said, "In my life I am always too late.". This was just like him. Childish. He lives following the principle that "he is so as he is, take it or leave it.". Of course, I don’t want to change anybody, I respect everybody in their way of living and being, but… is forgetting an important day a way of living and being? Or it is just that he doesn’t care at all? Well, to be honest, I did not care that much either. All my friends remembered my birthday. If Marvin doesn’t deem me worth of a birthday phone call, then be it. I just stopped replying to his text messages, because I can’t handle a "I think of you" every now and then if he can’t think of me on my birthday. It just loses importance. Yesterday he asked me if I am ok, since he noticed that I am taking distance from him – wow, he noticed it eventually – so I wrote him that I am very disappointed with him forgetting my birthday and with him saying nothing more on the phone than "It rains here / it is sunny here". We agreed that we would discuss the issue today, but to be honest, I just want Marvin to go to hell and leave me alone. He killed all my feelings for him, and now it’s too late. Yes, it’s definitely too late. 

Nineteen days left till I can see Doctor Livio again. My father. My spiritual father. I miss him. I miss talking to him, I miss talking to someone reasonable at all. I am here, with my parents (who are not reasonable people), I am stuck in a boring routine, I don’t have a life, I hope I will find a partner and build a family soon, I miss The Castle even if I could not handle to share the same spaces with the skinny little bitch, and I wait…

…for a miracle to happen.