Money or no money

As I was smoking my last cigarette of the day in the yard, I felt a presence very near to me, and it was not one of my demons. I am very sensitive to such things, maybe because schizophrenia gave me a sixth sense regarding people’s thoughts and moods. It was human. I am very afraid now. It could also be paranoia, but I have not been paranoid lately. There is someone outside, in my garden, and I do not know which are his or her intentions.

Apart from this start, that I should rather put in brackets, nothing special happened today. Just the usual hate and the usual reproaches. My brother’s ex wife is here, with her new boyfriend, and I escorted them through the town and along a path to a very famous place, very folkloristic, things that tourists like a lot. My mother is convinced that this woman is here because she needs money, but she did not advance any request. She tried to speak about her and my brother’s son, but my mother stopped the conversation with a “it’s ok” because she dislikes the guy. Guess why? Because he is gay. Sometimes he publishes things on Facebook that leave no doubt about the fact that he is gay, and my mother is always compelling me to Internet-stalk him to see those posts. The conclusion is always the same: he must be perverted, he is a bitch, he is everybody’s whore.

I always disliked my brother’s ex wife, and I do not understand why she decided to visit. I think she wanted money, but found no way to ask. Years ago, my parents gave her a huge sum when she moved away from my brother – my brother ruined her life, and my father decided to compensate the flaws of his son by giving money to his wife with the aim to start a brand new life without him. Anyway, even if the amount of money she got was really huge, she complained about the fact that it was not enough. That was the end of the story. My parents decided “never again”. When my brother went bankrupt, my father decided to give him his part of the heredity in advance so that he could afford having a good life without waiting for his death. But the ex wife was not really happy, because she and the son cannot grasp anything. The son is a nice guy, but not really a brilliant mind. I dislike him too, but obviously not because of his sexual taste. He wanted to be granted the administration of his father’s heredity, because my brother does not know how to handle money. In fact, within 2 years he already spent the half of it. But: the son just spent a sum of money he cannot afford to spend to buy a sport car. He had to falsify his grades on his school attest to be hired by the company he is working for. So, a dumb dishonest. I see no reason why he should be given the task to administrate some else’s patrimony  if he can barely administrate his own.

I would like to conclude my day with a second last cigarette, but I still feel like someone is lurking at me and I feel very scared. I do not dare to open the door and go outside. So, I suppose the best thing to do is to lay down in my bed and wait for Morpheus.