Love for a father, for a friend, for a partner

Yesterday I spent the day with my parents. I left the hospital at 9 am and came back after dinner. My parents took me out for a pizza for lunch, and I had not eaten that well in ages. The food in hospital is awful, but that’s not even that bad a thing, since I lost 1,5 kg in two weeks. In the afternoon, we had an appointment at the computer shop where we usually buy our "technological devices" to look for a tablet for my father. We always go to the same shop, because they make good offers and have a good costumer service. Moreover, a good side effect was that the appointment we had was with Teddy. I never talked about Teddy. He is the IT manager, responsible for selling products in that company. His name is obviously not Teddy, but I’m going to refer to him with that name because he reminds me of a teddy bear. He is not really attractive, but he has something sweet in himself. I noticed that he has a very similar voice to Doctor Livio; that might be the thing that attracts me. I used to have a sort of crush on him, not sexually, but emotionally; something like the desire to hug him, to kiss him, to do romantic things. Short before Christmas we had contact to him because my parents gave me my new computer as a Christmas gift, and I noticed how attractive I found Teddy. Then, I was very disappointed to know that he was not the one who would have come at home to install the most important things and prepare the computer "ready to use". I then forgot Teddy, you know, distance can make things fade away and after a week I had stopped thinking about him. Yesterday I noticed how attractive I still find him. And how his voice reminds me of the one of Doctor Livio. 

Anyway, Teddy showed us many tablets, my father could try to use them a little, and we settled for the classical iPad of Apple. Since I have a Mac and an iPhone, I might be of some help to my father to teach him how to use his tablet, because I know the system. It is totally a gorgeous thing. I was enthusiastic, as well as my father, but he didn’t want me to spend so much money – because yes, the thing costs a lot – for him, but I insisted. It is his 91st birthday, he is still so vital and lucid, I want just the best for him. Moreover, I feel as if I had the duty to compensate for my brother Richard, who is most probably going to give just a short phone call (if he remembers to do that at all). 

Life in The Castle is quiet and calm, today I am going to rest since tomorrow I have to go visit my parents again. Paolo and I exchanged phone number, which made Salvo madly jealous – he shares the same room with Paolo and before sleeping he said to Paolo he should marry me and fuck me. Paolo replied that he didn’t want to hear this sort of shit and that he wanted to sleep, and begged Salvo to shut up his fucking mouth. Paolo is a gentleman, he speaks of women with respect. Even when he was in love with a prostitute, he never treated her as a prostitute. Paolo and I are good friends, but he is convinced that I am in a relationship with Marvin and he very much respects it. We agreed that we have a "professional secrecy", whatever he tells me or I tell him remains between us. Pete, his friend whom I mentioned in my previous entries as having alcohol and drug problems, relapsed in his alcohol addiction two days ago and drank a beer. He even smoked a joint. The doctor asked Paolo if he knew something, adding that "they know 90% of what happens on the ward", but of course Paolo replied that he didn’t know anything. I’m not going to betray anyone either, but I think that Pete is betraying himself if he drinks secretly. There is no sense in undergoing a treatment for alcoholism and then drinking behind the nurses’ and doctors’ back. Anyway, that’s none of my business. 

I talked with Marvin on the phone yesterday. That’s quite a miracle, because he called me. He needed to vent some frustration. His brother Ulrich, who has undergone a treatment for cancer, has now been diagnosed with new cancer cells in his mouth. I don’t know exactly where and how, everything is always so imprecise with Marvin’s brother, since he refuses to acknowledge the problem. He will be operated next week. He doesn’t answer the phone, and the hospital called Marvin to ask him where Ulrich was, since they couldn’t contact him. Marvin then talked to Ulrich, stating clearly that he is ready to take him to his meetings with the oncologist and supporting him, but he is not ready to play baby-sitter and have to kill himself to find him because he refuses to answer the phone. 

Paolo often asks me how Marvin would react if he (Paolo) happened to go to Basel with me once in the future. I do not exclude inviting him to Basel for a couple of days, that would be funny. But Marvin… well, if Paolo ever met Marvin, he would got to know the truth about him, that means, that he is not my boyfriend at all. I prefer Paolo to think I am engaged for the moment, because we are very close friends, we share the balcony but most of the time Paolo is on my side, for hours; mostly to avoid being disturbed by that idiot of Salvo, but also because we can talk more freely and also about TMI things. I believe that if a man and a woman are friends, nothing can happen, because friendship would be destroyed by a relationship; but I know myself well enough to know that I always had a soft spot for men who are 20 – 25 years older than me. Like Paolo or Marvin indeed. 

Well, now I’m going to enjoy this day of freedom… reading, drawing, writing, sleeping, and yes, maybe also exercising a bit. But first of all, reading my friends. Much love to everyone!