Learning to wait

Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester as a student. I should soon start looking for a job. Not easy. Next semester I am expected to make a stage, and I have no idea whatsoever what I want to do. Let alone where to send applications. At my age, a person should have a small idea of what he or she wants to do with his or her life. I do not know. My life has always been a in and out of hospitals, surviving until the next day without killing myself or others, and when I started University again four years ago, I was sure I would have failed. Again. But I succeeded. It was a surprise to me and to all people surrounding me, and I lived every single say as an adventure for itself, trying to keep an eye on the whole situation but focusing on the present.

Now I have to face this present question: what the hell do I want to do for the rest of my life? I know that I am in a bad position for the job market. I am old, no job experience, a 10-year-hole in my curriculum that I cannot find an excuse for except “I am sorry, I was in a psychiatric hospital” . I thought over and over again about it. In a job interview, I will surely be asked about this 10-year-long time in which there is nothing. I have an answer ready. In fact, both my parents turned ill, and apart from the time I had to spend in hospital trying not to kill anybody I had to take care of them. Doctor Livio said that this could be a reasonable excuse, and that it is better to be sincere instead of turning silent because an employer could suspect the worse, something like I have been in jail or similar things.

I would like to get a PhD. But I need to learn something: to wait. A good strategist needs to be quick and always ready to be on the spot at the right moment, but also to be patient and wait when it is wort it. I will work for a Professor during this semester, we will call her Professor Sara. She offered me a job as a student assistant and I hope to do a good job, I am enthusiastic and I like the topic we will work on. I hope to impress her. I will give the best. And at the end of the semester I will see if it is possible to be taken as a PhD candidate by her next year. But I have to wait for my request, I have to learn not to stress out people or force decisions. It can be difficult, I would like to have some certainties about my future. But I need to learn this, if I want to be a good strategist. And this is what I want to be, in the end.

I still do not know the grade I got on my exam. We will see tomorrow. Axl is of the opinion that we will hear no news at least until Friday. Well… let’s wait.