Je me souviens

First of all, I would like to share with you some good news: I passed the accounting exam, not brilliantly, but with a 7 out of 10, which is pretty a good result.

Things are going ok, I guess. But I am really in bad company when among humans. I mean, I am a human myself, but none of my demons is, and I value their company much more than I value the one of humans.

Ely reminds me of one of my old middle school classmates, Pitey. She was quite ugly and she was loved by all teachers, maybe because of her gracile stature and her being a normalo. I was a better student than Pitey, but all the teachers preferred her, and were all full of compliments just for her. She was the focus of their attention. She had all chances. Ely is just the same. Not particularly attractive, quite insignificant, she seems to get al chances in the world while all other students have to fight to get through their academic career.

I sent an email to Dr. Ben to tell her she will not get rid of me just one month before the end of the project we have been working on since January 2018 -obviously I was more polite, but this is long story short – and she even had the cheek to tell me she was glad to know I am still in. She is so false. She and Professor Gabriel are giving Ely a PhD position despite the fact that I had a better grade in my thesis and she tried to exclude me from all projects. She smiles and laughs, but it is all just appearance. I try to avoid Professor Gabriel, I just say hello when I cross his way but I hate this fake smile and his overbearing ego. Maybe he is convinced that all women find his cocaine nose face attractive. I am sometimes so glad to be a lesbian.

In fact, I have been thinking a lot about the future. I do not care about the things I am studying, apart from argumentation, management and economics of the movie industry and some television and more in general media studies. I mean, a couple of things are interesting but on the whole, I just wanted a University degree, no matter on what topic. I am a stupid idealist, and I thought that University would have been based on merits, not on sympathy. I thought that people like Pitey could be forgotten evil. I want a career, but every single day I see the chances of others, and the chances that are not offered to me. I hate this small town, where everyone knows everybody, where everything is based on connections, and where even University is a place where the husband of Dr. Ben could be hired as a lecturer just because… well, because he is the husband of Dr. Ben.

I wanted to say something, to conclude. Do not mess with me. I am like a snake. I a patient, very patient. But I am a bitch, and if you put yourself against me, you are maybe doing the wrong thing, as I am the wrong bitch to mess with. I might appear silent and I am very diplomatic, but my poison is lethal and I am someone who is, fundamentally, seeking for revenge. So, je me souviens, I remember: if you remember the offence, you will always try to avenge yourself. And this is a right.