Falling asleep with a smile

There is too much weigh on my shoulders. I am always the one who works until late in the evenings, while other people are resting, relying upon what I will have done for the next day in terms of contributions to groups assignments, delivery of ideas, initiative, and study.

But today I met someone who I have not seen in ages, and that made my day. We will call her Professor Cristina. She was one of my Professors during the Bachelor. I did not have a good start with her. She works with mentally ill people in Italy, running a radio station with some of them. She used to report about that in terms I found offensive, so that one evening I sent her an e-mail in which I explained that I am schizophrenic, that I have seen Death in the eyes more than once, that I spent 10 years of my life in hospital and that I expect some damn respect. She replied immediately, apologising if she had conveyed this impression of lack of respect, and since then we became sort of “friends”. I did very well on her exam, because I gave the best of myself, maybe I wanted to impress her. Because she became something more than simply a Professor. She congratulated me for my results on her exam and also some other exams in an e-mail, and she invited me for a coffee in her office. We stayed in touch for a long time. Then, I never heard from her again.

Today, I was working on the group assignment with my classmates as she passed by. She stopped to greet us, and as soon as she saw me she hugged me and she told me we need to drink another coffee together. Well, I felt something inside myself rejoicing. I might have a crush on her. I do not know anything about love, I do not think I know that feeling. But I associate the joy I feel while thinking of her with something like sympathy, butterfly in my stomach, desire. It is more than just a Professor having sympathy for me and me devoting academic admiration to her. Now, while writing about her, I feel my heart racing and I smile. I will fall asleep happy, just because I saw her and she was so open and apparently glad to see me.

With that being said, I will go to bed since tomorrow is a hard day – I have a job interview in the evening and a full day at University before.