Christmas time

My dear OD friends, I do apologize for my long silence in the first place. I have not forgotten you all, it has just been a busy time and OD has not been working properly. I did not move to another site, I will be faithful to old good OD until the bitter end! 

Well, let’s start from the beginning. I have been busy, in spite of doing nothing interesting. As I was writing to a dear friend a couple of days ago, my life is habit, habit, and some more habit. I have my English lessons twice a week, I have therapy twice a week, I take my parents to their several doctor appointments, I do the grocery shopping, and I have no social contacts. I don’t complain though, since I don’t know how much of something else I could bear. 

My English teacher is happy with me, she said I should enroll for the March exams session. This is what I am doing, but it is not sure the exams will take place, though. Not many people embark in the proficiency adventure, so that they might not be having enough candidates to organize a session. If this is the case, I will have to wait until June. Let’s take it as it comes. I am still quite weak at listening comprehension so that a little more time to practice would not even be that bad. 

Family life goes as usual. My mother is very bossy, she is the one who wears the trousers, and my father… well, my father has become suddenly older. Yes, he is old, but I have the impression that his age is starting to affect him a little more in his mind. He forgets things, he doesn’t manage to follow some conversation we make, he sometimes says things that have nothing to do with what we are talking about. He still reads a lot and I encourage this attitude. When we happen to meet his peers in town – the ones who are still alive -, I notice that they are much more affected by their old age than my father, but still, I have been observing a regression. 

Christmas went well. I was covered with gifts, in a very embarrassing way. I did, however, buy a necklace for my mother which I totally could not afford. It is very, very expensive. When I told Doctor Livio about this crazy thing I had done, he said to me "You are really crazy!". It came so spontaneously that I had to laugh, because yes, if I go to a psychiatrist, I must be crazy in some way. Then, Doctor Livio asked me if this gift had captured my enthusiasm, and I had to admit that it had been so wonderful to buy it that I did not regret exhausting my bank account for it. Doctor Livio and I had a long discussion about enthusiasm. Very often, my parents tend to clip my wings. When I have a project, an idea, whatever, they just say no or try to convince me to renounce it. That’s a pity. Not all my projects involve spending a lot of money, in fact, the expensive gift for my mother is an exception. To go on with my life, I need to feel the fire of enthusiasm within myself. Like everybody, I guess. I need to do everything I do because I believe it makes sense, because it has a meaning, because I feel I’m doing something useful and right. I tend to be very impulsive, and if my parents slow me down sometimes they are right; the problem is that they kill my enthusiasm far too often. My projects often go lost in habits and useless activities like cleaning things that are already clean, just to satisfy my mother’s neurosis. 

I have been to Basel short before Christmas and I spent a lot of time with my dear friend Marvin. His older brother is dying of cancer. Slowly fading away in great pain. He blames Marvin for everything that is going wrong in his life, but Marvin carries on helping him and taking care of him because in fact, these are the last moments of his brother’s life. They had, however, an argument about the question "how to spend Christmas’ eve?", because Marvin wanted to organize a family gathering, while his brother wanted to spend the evening with Marvin and the daughter of their sister, but not with their sister. Eventually, Marvin’s brother decided to spend the evening alone. Marvin tried to convince him to accept at least his company, but all he got in return was a cold refusal. I noticed how much Marvin is attached to his brother. For Marvin, his brother is like a witness of all the terrible things he went through in his childhood. Marvin’s father used to abuse him sexually every time he did not get what he wanted – sexually – from his wife, and Marvin and his brother shared the same room… so that his brother has always known what happened. This is a sad story, Marvin’s brother has always been refusing to talk about it, and Marvin would just like to have a witness saying "that’s true, this happened, it’s not just a trick of your mind". 

As for my other friends… I met FredyBear, and all I can say is that that man has no style. No charm. He invited himself for breakfast in my hotel; he did not even suggest paying, on the contrary, as the waitress asked if she had to charge my hotel bill with the two breakfasts, he said to me "Are they even going to ask if we pay separately?", as if the question were so inappropriate. I haven’t heard from him ever since. His wife plays the busy lady even if at the moment she has no job. I sent a card and a cake to Aisha and Joanna; Aisha called me for Christmas to thank and wish a nice time, while Joanna disappeared from my life. Nice, hm? I heard Athena yesterday, and this made me think that I am a lucky girl not to be married, if having a husband means having a husband like hers. He decided that they would visit Athena’s parents on Christmas day, to go back to Basel yesterday; he decided to leave at 1 pm – Athena’s mother wanted to cook a good lunch but had to renounce because they had to leave so soon – not to travel while it’s dark. A good kick in his butt, this is what he deserves. 

That’s what is going on in my life. Today I’m going to town with my mother and I have therapy in the evening. I’m glad to see Doctor Livio again, it has been a week since the last time I spoke to someon

e sensible. Apart from my few contacts on Whatsapp or via e-mail. 

Take gentle care everyone!