An unwanted visit

Summer is fortunately nearing to the end. All my classmates are coming back from holidays, they have fun stories to tell and when I am asked what I have been doing, well, what have I been doing? I have been the servant of my cantankerous parents and tolerated insults and humiliation all summer long. I wish I had had one day of vacation. I am tired, and I have a year full of work, study and challenges ahead.

I will have my accounting exam on September 11, and on the same date my brother’s ex wife will come to visit with her new boyfriend. I never liked her. Usually, if she cares to visit, it is because she needs money from my father. They are staying four days, and I doubt they are coming just to see the beauty of this little town. She is not even from here, she knows this city just because my brother showed it to her; they always lived in Germany. So, the excuse to show the new boyfriend “the place where I come from” does not really work. She never even bothered to learn Italian. So I already know how this will end: my mother does not speak German, she does not speak Italian, the two of them will not understand each other, my mother’s paranoia will land on the highest level because she will think that whatever is said in German is against her since she does not understand it.

There is no part of my family I like. When I am with my father, I notice that even if he is now an old man who is fragile and needs help, I do not manage to love him. He has been a coward, a liar, a cheater all his life long. He never truly protected me, and I was just a little girl, looking for an affection which I never got. Nowadays I do not care, I am self-confident on my own, but as a child you need to be given self-confidence and I got only insults. I will be hated anyway, whatever I do, I will never be desired. As I said some time ago, I might just be the result of an occasional fuck, or maybe my mother thought a child would be like having a puppet you can switch on and off on demand.

So, back to studying.