Alone or in bad company

Today I have skipped all lectures. I have an exam on Monday and the next exam on Tuesday. I decided to study at University since I could enjoy Axl’s company, and escape my mother’s one. So, I did not tell about my intentions, since my mother very well welcomes when I skip University – as if my studying were a shame – and I went there, sat down in the room we call the “morgue” (I know, kind of a strange name for a study room) with Axl and studied from 8.30 am until 3.15 pm.

Debby and Giosia joined us at some point. I just remember Debby telling me something about Giosia kissing her and then telling her she is not attractive enough. I am not the right person to give advice on matters of the heart. I am 37 and still single, so I guess I do not have the recipe for finding a partner. But nobody, either man or woman, is worth being a partner if he or she does something alike. I let my mother walk all over me all the time, so I do not have a high self-esteem. But I would never let a woman kiss me and tell me afterwards that she finds me unattractive… without telling her a few words about how what I think about her. Because this is what happened: Giosia is deeply religious, son of a priest, claims to have high moral standards, would never have sex before marriage, and all the good things a son of a priest can preach, by all due respect. I am a Christian myself. But: he was for three hours in the same bed with Debby and they have kissed and made up, even without having full sexual intercourse, and after he enjoyed her company, he told her that she is not that attractive, that she wears childish clothes and that he would never take such a “childish female figure” as a girlfriend. She still loves him. So I was very straight to the point and advised Debby to forget about him and let him go.

There was a woman who tried to make something similar with me. I met her online. We were planning to meet, and she said in a first moment she had a serious interest in me. She asked if I would like to be her “girlfriend on probation”. I said no, of course. Where do you want to give me back if I do not fit your standards? Maybe that is the reason why I am still single. I have a mother already, I do not need a girlfriend to walk all over me. I am not on probation and I do not want to get given back. I take my decisions and I want to be also a part who makes a choice. You choose me, I choose you.

Better alone than in bad company.