The hole and the Scars

SONG: All I want is you U2: http://www.youtube.com/watch

When the only thing you have left is the scars left behind from an old relationship how can you be anything but that person.

Your scared and broken.. so you become that person.

When everyone you know moves on, and you are still left with this hole, this hole that you try and ignore and try and fill.

I try every day to have hope, that one day I can move past the pain.

People always say that you can’t love someone till you love yourself. What if you can never do that? What if you spend almost every day trying to lie to yourself. What if know you no one would, or could love you?

You lie to your friends and family. You fake smile, you laugh you even pretend so well that you are happy for them when they tell you they are getting married, that they are having a child and they are happy.

Every now and again you think that if you tell someone how bad it is, they it may help. But truth is they don’t want to know. They don’t want to really see you. No one really wants to hear it. They don’t really care. They would rather you pretend. Because if you were to admit the pain, it would be to much for them. It’s to much for you.

They would rather the smiles, the laughter they would rather you not tell them…. What if your job here on earth is to make sure they are all loved… you are not meant to show them pain, you are meant to help them through there’s. 

Could you tell your self that in order for everyone else to feel happy and loved… that you have to live with the pain, the hurt and the scars.

It’s been so no long now that I have forgotten what it’s like live without being broken.

I know I want to find him, I know I want to have children and I know I want to be happy.. What if those things are just no meant to happen for me.

What if I am just ultimately unlovable?