The Hidden Self… which I do not write about.

 

Song: Alanis Morissette – That I would be good http://www.youtube.com/watch

WOW

It’s 1am and I sitting here in this heat, outside, it’s cooler outside then it is in, Sydney is having a heat wave. Just came home from a friends Birthday.

It has occurred to me that people who read some of my Entries form an opinion of me, Mainly because I come on here and write about my major BOY issues. This side of me, the side on Open diary is just well silly "girl" thoughts. It’s my inner hidden self.. the bullshit thoughts that I hide from the world. The "real me" is the one I show to the world it’s rather well rounded. Most people I think hide at least some thoughts from people.

I know I may moan about not having a boyfriend, but it’s more that I want to be with someone who can heal the bits of me that have broken from years of boys who have hurt me.

I have a wonderful circle of friends who surround me, and I am almost never lost for company. I think I am rather smart witty girl, perhaps I could drop a few kg’s but this is part of me, and I own it.

I am an only child, with a over bearing mother who haunts most aspects of my life. However I handle it. By living in another country. 🙂

I have spent most of my 20’s travelling the world, living in the USA, UK and now here in Sydney. I love New Zealand the place where I have grown up, but it’s just not for me anymore. I need the big city.

I think I am the life and soul of party.. and rather funny. I am creative, and an extrovert, who can talk to anyone. I think at times I struggle to be happy, but I think everyone does. I think I am a good judge of character, I am loyal I try not to lie and above anything I am an amazing friend.. even when people are not back to me.

I try and not let the inner thoughts become the major focus in my life. But in here, I just let it out. Most of the time, if I have problems I solve them, I try and form a plan..

Writing in here not really showing "me", I think it is all part of having a healthy soul. I don’t want people to know me, I don’t want to be judged because of the crap that pours out of my head at 1am, or perhaps after I have had a few drinks… that to me is not who I am.

There have been major things that have happened to me in the last 12 months, but I don’t dare talk about them here. I deal with them in the "real" world. But in here I just write about "certain" things in order to empty my head sometimes. It more of me writing to myself.

Perhaps this is where I am going wrong, perhaps I should be talking more about my every day life? Perhaps that will help with the "real" issues at hand rather then the endless crap of BOYS!!!!

OK so here goes,

Today- I ordered the full set of BOY MEETS WORLD on DVD…I did washing, and I called my friends to ask about what they were doing tonight.

I have just started to re connect with some old friend and through them I have started to expand and hang out with new one.

Hence my Friend Ben’s little Brother… well little he’s 25 his name is Sam. He’s just moved to Sydney after breaking up with his girlfriend.

( I will not go into the Ben Saga) that’s a whole other issues.

Sam is a nice guy perhaps a little to nice, he and I flirt with each other all the time, I wrote about him a few entries back, we have slept in the same bed. He does tick a few box’s but I have.. or should I sad HAD a small crush in him. That is now over, because really if we were to date or do anything it would just be messy within the friendship circle. Over the last 6 months, Sam and I have hung out almost every weekend, it’s been great. He’s like a breath of fresh air, and also because I am attracted to men who need to be mothered in some sort of way, the wounded types. He is wounded.

Dan and Jo are his (Sam’s) best friends they are engaged and I have known Dan and Dan’s older brother (Rory) from high school. Jo and I have become fast friends. Again, I hang out with them almost every weekend also. As well as Dan and Jo there is another couple from back home who live here call Callus and Kat. I have slipped in this group of friends with such ease.

Tonight was Callums Birthday, and just had a great time. These new people are so kind, they say the nicest things to me. I and I don’t think I bought a drink the whole night. After 6 months of just hanging out with them, I feel like we will be friends for life.

So… that’s it.. oh I put Sam in a cab, he asked me to come home with him, but he was far to wasted…

See… Boring.. oh and while I have been sitting out here a FUCKING large cockroach just attacked me. on that note. I am going to bed,