SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME

 

SONG:Dave Matthews Band: Crash http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU2E1lX1geY

 

I had a job for just 6 days.- In fact more like 4 days ( that is when I got the feeling) that my boss wanted to fire me. I ignore that feeling talk myself out of it. Tell myself that I’m Crazy.

There is something wrong with me, I never used to be like this –

Since moving here in 2009 I have had amazing jobs… but I kept blowing them, or needing to leave them.

• Cruise Line ( 2 week) – Friend was dying
• Public TV Channel one – ONE month ( Fired)
• Private TV Channel Two- Two Months ( Fired)
• Radio Station- Three Months (Quit)
• Newspaper – (3 weeks) Fired
• Agency – (9 months) Quit
• Movie Company- (one month) Fired
• Marketing manager- (3 Months) made redundant
• 6months no job
• Marketing Manager Retail – 6 days -Fired

 

The reason for getting fired, are mainly due to if I’m honest to myself – Attention to detail and spelling. Another is personality clash, I’m a bubbly person, but underneath I am also full of ideas- of how to do something. I tend to jump into project and want to fix things within a business. I tend to tell people, my boss included how they should fix something, or what they should do. Of course this never goes down very well.

But I can’t help myself- it’s like I am waiting, waiting for someone to trust me, to let me just do something amazing to show them I can do it.

When I arrived in Sydney- and after I got off the Cruise ship, I was working for a TV channel. it was less then 4 months since I had lost my friend, and my relationship had ended. I was in a very dark place. From day one I remember having this feeling from my boss, and my co workings that they didn’t like me. I was in charge of putting adverts into the computer system. Which was so old , the screen was still based on the DOS system.

My attention to detail lacked so much, I didn’t care about the job, I didn’t like the people I was working with, and also I was so unhappy that when they fired me I was grateful inside.

Job two- Was at a private ‘cable’ channel- I got a hand over from a girl who was dull, and never spoke to anyone. She seem to nothing. The job was mindless and boring, I tried to inject more responsibility into. But my boss didn’t want me to. it was like I was in ‘admin’ when I didn’t really want to be. I remember getting the feeling it was a boys club. I also said to much – and was told my spelling and me personally didn’t fit into the team

Job Three- I enjoyed it very much, but I hated the people I worked with and they hated me right back. Of course they never said anything but they gave of feelings. I felt like an outsider, the (fat one) surrounded by super models in the ‘look at me club’ I worked till the wee hours of the morning, but none of them wanted to help, none of them cared. I lied to get out of the club..

Job Four- Newspaper- coming in as jr- I wanted to badly to be an account manager rather then an assistant. The sad thing is that, this was noticed. My brave face act was caught. Before my boss fired me she told me thought I had depression.

Job Five- I didn’t want. However I found myself good at it. I had people under me, and I boss who really didn’t care that much, she let me take over, while she claimed the fame. For awhile I enjoyed it. But then they started to use me, I questioned it and was told to put up or shut up. I worked out that I was being paid less then the other senior team members and work longer hours. I even brought in a major client who they ignored. I felt.. well dirty. So I left.

Three months go by

Job Six – The Dream job or so I thought- I was warned from the girl who was leaving. The company was small, flew to USA on the week to. But my manager stopped talking to me, refused to answer any of my calls or emails. And after a month I was let go. with no reason. I think it was because I said something bad about the CEO on face book and forgot that he could see it, or that I was longing for for a goal but my manager didn’t trust me so she let me go.

Three Months go by

Job Seven- THE JOB… I thought I had found it- the one. I was marketing manager- I reported into the CEO- everything was working. I had one small disagreement with the 2 IC in the business- I was told that it wasn’t the reason they were letting me go, I was told it was because they didn’t have enough money to keep me on. I was told over email….

6 months go by

6 days- in job eight. I was told that my personality and attention to details ( although) I had only written one thing was not what they wanted. I was told I was to pushy, and that he had made a mistake. That I was great, but who he wanted was not who I was or what I could do.

There is something wrong with me, something in my mind..