Set my mind free of who I want to be
SONG: Aerosmith- Livin’ on the Edge http://www.youtube.com/watch
I feel like my life is going in these large HIGHS and LOWS.
It can happen all in one day I’ll feel happy and then all of a sudden I will feel so sad and depressed that I just want to break down and cry.
I want to be this person.. the person with the great job, the person with the amazing boyfriend and the person who is not fat. It consumes me and overwhelms me almost every waking moment.
To avoid these feelings I watch allot of TV, or I just try and sleep and not leave my house. When I do leave to hang out with my friends I put on the most amazing act. I should be an Oscar winner really.
Why is it that some days your look in the mirror at yourself and you think- I look good, I feel good. I’m not that ugly I’m not that fat. Yet other times you look in the mirror and see FAT< UGLY and just plan useless. I can’t move on those days.
I hired a treadmill and it last all of 3 weeks with me getting on it. I change my food habits and I just go back to the old ones after a few weeks.
HOW can I set my mind to free me of this person who I am in private. HOW can I be this person that I display in public?
The law of attraction is working but I have let bad thoughts creep in.
A few days ago I posted my ‘ IDEAL MAN’ – on the internet dating site I am have asked me out – both of them ‘ on paper’ appear to fit the request I made
Yesterday I made a list of the my IDEAL JOB – this evening I got asked to interview for a job in Dubai. It’s so senior that as soon as I saw the invite to the interview I thought there is no way I could do that job…. but yet I attracted it to me. I asked for that job. It could bring me allot of what I want. But do I want it in Dubai? Do I want to start again in the other place?
I wish it was already 1 year later and I had what I wanted, I had made the choice already and I was loving life and my new boyfriend and my new job.
NOW all I have to do is attract what is the right choice …
there are days i wish I could runaway and start over as a new person, not trapped in the over weight body, not part of this world that has become hard.
I WISH I WAS FREE