Scared

Song: Harden My Heart -Quarterflash http://www.youtube.com/watch

I don’t know why I put this wall up around me, I’m so scared to let anyone in. It’s so high to protect the hurt. Sometimes I don’t even know I do it.

I am so concerned of being alone, yet I will not let single guy get close to me.

I put them through tests.. I make them jump through hoops. It’s built in security system. I do it so that from the start I know what I am in for. I can’t stop it. I can’t let many men pass it or.. I in most case’s I don’t even issue the ‘boyfriend test" because why would they like me?

I think I have put on weight as one of the ultimate tests for a man… that is can he like me enough for the inside. When the outside is fat.

The problem is that I’m so broken on the inside that it doesn’t work either.

Why am I so scared?