Irrational Friends
SONG: Mick McCready (Pearl Jam) http://www.youtube.com/watch
One of my oldest friends Nikki… has just broken up with her boyfriend of 4 years. This is a nightmare. I have known Nikki for 20 years. and have been through countless break ups of many of our friends. However SHE is by far the hardest person to support through bad times.
Nothing you can say will help her, NOTHING you do is right. It’s a balancing act, and you have no idea from one hour to the next how she will react to any comment. The littlest throw away comment, could be turned into the biggest insult. The most supportive thing you could do can be interpreted as overbearing. I could try not saying anything at all, but then she would act as if I have been uncaring.
Her Boyfriend is a nice guy, the wrong guy for her, but a nice guy. I have known this from the moment they got together. And in a sad way so did she. But Nikki finds it hard to be on her own. 2 years ago she broke up with him, and during her break up, which was by far the most trying time to be her friend.. I was there for her. But after countless irrational conversations, I finally snapped…. with my small outburst. Which may I add was just me saying – Nikki you need to make a decision either your with him or your not. Meant that she cut me out of her life for 4 months. At the end of the day.. I don’t care who she is with, as long as she is happy and he is a nice guy and good to her. Her insecurities just makes her so indecisive and so well INSANE. That no one is safe from her.
Now here we are again, 2 years later.. and although I have been outwardly waiting for her crazy break up behaviour to show it’s ugly face she seemed to be allot better. ( or so I thought)
Last night, we went to the casino. To watch a Karaoke competition, (her idea) about an hour into it she went to talk to her mum for 40mins leaving me by myself. on her return, and finally some of our friends turned up also. She sat with her back to us all with a look of distaste on her face. And gave off a vibe of I’m bored and I want to go home. Now this behaviour to me, break up or not I felt was extremely rude. Your out with your friends and we are all trying to have a good time, if your upset about a break up there is no need to outwardly be rude. So I called her out. I asked her to not sit there like that. I asked her to join in on the conversation. She of course became defensive and after what I would call a small disagreement we carried on with the evening. Her mood improved.
But she clearly had been stewing on this comment all fucking day. So called me up and told me that I shouldn’t of said that to her. – to which I replied.. Nikki, I love you, but it was uncalled for to act that while out. If you wanted to go home. you simple say to us.. I need to go home and leave. It’s not rocket science.. and most people if they don’t want to be somewhere they leave.
This of course un leashed crushing blows back from her, that I am this, I am that…, tears, her saying that I need to be more understanding… Then her saying I am too Understanding that I need to leave her alone, that I am too mean, that I am to supportive.. IT was like having a conversation with someone who has multiple personality disorder.
Nothing I say to her, is comforting and after few moments on the phone to her, I just couldn’t help myself and I just let rip.
She made the decision to break up with Alex, she was the one who called it off. It’s a horrible situation, but at the you need to pull it together. I love you, but break up or not rude behaviour towards friends is not something I will tolerate. All of us have been there in a break up but there is no need to act so ill rational toward people who are just trying to help.
It was an awkward conversation to say the least, and Its made me soooooo mad that I have had to come in here and write about it. But at the same time, as much as I love her.. and have been a great support for her. I am just not going to act like her break up is the centre of the world for my life also.
It’s taken allot of self reflection and time to get to a place where I don’t have to be that for my friends anymore. There was a time, when I would of been so over involved. But now as I loom in my 30’s I know that there is not many people who have time to give that back to me, and I need to just give out enough of myself but not to much for me to be upset when they do not return the favor. Nikki is an amazing beautiful girl, but she thinks about things way to much, and lives in a world where all she wants to hear is good things.
WAKE UP to reality HONEY!
To me friendship is being able to take the sour and the sweet, being able to except people for who they are. It’s not always going to be nice, it’s not always going to be full of things you want to hear. But it’s ok because that why you have friendships. There are times when you need to all the bad things from them..
TO me I like to be told things.. good or bad.. I think it makes you grow as a person.
I know that after that conversation she is sitting there thinking about what I have said, and thinking that I am a BITCH. She will play out the whole conversation in her head over and over again, she will be thinking weather or not to end out friendship, to not talk to me, to cut me out of everything all together…. I on the other had, will VENT in here and to a few people about her behaviour. And then by tomorrow I will forgive and forget… because at the end of the day, I have done nothing wrong. She is the irrational crazy person who can deal with a break up, and my job as her friend is to be there during what ever. It’s her choice.
VENT over.