In bed ALONE

Song: Portishead Glory Box http://www.youtube.com/watch

 I can’t sleep.  I think about being in bed with "him" , we are making love. How good it feels.. how in love I am with him, and how in love he is with me. I wake up with this man, this man who is mine.

I am ready, I am ready to move, but every so often my mind goes back to Mark…. why?  Why does it do that?  It’s been 4 years, he’s married he has a child.  

I can’t help but think about him.  Does he think about me?  I doubt it, do you think about someone you dated for 3 years before you find the women you marry?  

WHY am I not sleeping..

I think about how I should really be wring about Chris, Alex and my Mother more in here.  Perhaps my Step Father.  I should be trying to write out the pain I have, rather then dwelling on my empty love life.

But sometimes I can’t write about that, the Inner deapth of my soul will not let me explore that.  Perhaps it’s to painful to talk about even in here.  And the only thing I can talk about is my endless search to be loved, by a man. And of course the endless fear that I will end up alone.

World.. I know he’s out there.. I feel he is.  I feel he’s in America.. I have for years.  My soul feels like I should be there.. I dream about being in America and being in a Bar and meeting him… the man I am going to marry?  It’s strange..  It’s almost like it calls me there.  

But I live in Sydney so there is no way, But my heart tells me this over and over…