Friends with Benefits, No strings attached
Song: Civil Twilight: Letters From the sky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJmgsHnzafY
I have no idea where I stand with Troy. It plays over and over in my mind. him, the night, the sex. Does he like me? does he want more? does he just want to be fuck buddies? does he want to never speak of this again? Did he think the sex was bad? Was I bad? Did he not feel what I felt?
I’m trying so hard not to let my mind run away to think bad things – but I can’t ignore them. I am always right.. about these things.. but sometimes I just want to be wrong.
The Romantic in me wants him to like me and not of just had sex with me. I want him to think about me and want me, to text me to call me to want to spend time with me.. I want him to chase me..I want him fall for me. I want it to be like a bad Rom com movie – Friends with Benefits, No strings attached.. Sex with a friend can it work without someone falling in love or getting hurt… RIGHT
NO..
But the truth is as I write this now I already know the answer. I know that it was all a game, I played it to, I new it before he even flirted back. So I can’t be shocked at the outcome… I gave in so the game is over … I think Troy is just very good at sleeping with Friends.. he told me he slept with his flatmate… He just wanted instant gratification, perhaps it’s a test to see if he could sleep with me? All men lie, I know this. Even the good ones. He feed me charming words and I fell for it. I’m so stupid.
FAT
I have flashbacks of being in bed with him and the things I said over the night – so embarrassed – but when I was with him everything just went blurry it was like I couldn’t think.
FUCK… I wish I didn’t feel something for him. I wish it wasn’t this way- but this crush makes me feel alive for the first time in a really long time – it’s been almost 4 years of being numb inside…and he made me feel again… I had almost forgotten what happiness felt like.
I need to tell myself this over and over. THERE IS NO WAY… your FAT.. FAT. BOYS DON"T LIKE FAT GIRLS..
BACK TO THE REAL WORLD
Song: Kimbra: Settle Down http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHV04eSGzAA&ob=av2e