leave behind another wasted year [promised update]

well.

starting from my birthday. Noone showed up to my party except luke’s friend grundy and his woman, and luke’s friend kurtes and his woman. I didn;t know any of them, Grundy was the only one I’d met before, and none of them even knew it was my birthday. Grundy and his woman disappeared quite early. Kurtes and Lysh hung around for a while and got really stoned. And Luke had given me his phone to put my sim in because mine was dead. Obviously, considering sim cards had been changed, you assume that messages would no longer be on the phone. This was a correct assumption for the most part, because the inbox only contained messages I’d sent since having my sim in the phone. Assuming this would be the same for the outbox, I checked it to see how many messages I’d sent, and came accross a whole bunch of messages from Luke to Shan that he’d sent the day before. These were along the lines of "no way, you’re heaps prettier, and besides, at least you have boobs" and "my sister asked me why I’d decided to date a man instead of a woman." which is true, Emily did actually say that about me. I was so cut, it’s the thing I’m most self conscious about, and he;d been bagging me out about it to make SHAN feel better. So I started crying. Erin, Dave, Pierce and Ryan showed up at like ten thirty or eleven, and we left them alone with Lysh and Kurtes so we could finish our talks. Lysh and Kurtes left soon after. Eventually we sorted things out and just got really drunk and really, really stoned, and so did Pierce. Erin and Ryan weren’t really drinking, but Dave got pretty damn drunk. Luke and Dave tried to freak each other out with a gay-off.. which was hilarious. Dave touched Luke’s penis. Luke nuzzled and kissed Dave’s neck, then kissed his stomach in a line down to his belt. They are both, at this stage, denying remembering most of this. The party ended when I was sitting on a high stool next to luke, who was on a chair. Luke passed out in my lap, and then I passed out on top of him, so we ended up in this big passed out bundle, and Pierce announced that the party is over when the birthday girl passes out. So they left and we went to bed.

Saturday night we stayed at Ryan and Dave’s, and Sunday morning myself, Luke, Dave, Erin, Pierce, and Ryan set out in Dave’s seven seater Nimbus on a skate trip to Dodges, which was pretty fun, but Pierce got grumpy, and then I got grumpy with Pierce, then he got upset that someone was grumpy with him so spent an hour apologising =P. I also still have a rather nasty bruise on my thigh because Pierce, who was sitting in the very back seat of the Numbus, refused to exit like a civilised person and instead insisted on diving over the seat in front of him to get out the door, so I got kicked pretty hard a number of times.

Also, I got a pokemon happy meal. But my Pokemon toy, as far as I recall, is still in the back of the Nimbus.

that night was my family birthday dinner at hog’s breath. the waiter spilled my cocktail, then kept coming back all night to aplogise to me, and then at one point came back to say we’re the nicest people he’s ever spilt a drink on, and then when his shift was over he came back to say goodbye. They gave me a pink hog toy to make up for the drink spillage, and mum stole the glass in which my cocktail came as a present for me. Alex decided to take a strong mmoral stand against this and stopped talking to mum entirely. Mum had had a bit too much to drink and was acting like a child, being rude, and speaking at a higher than necessary volume, and my dad was quietly going insane. Need;ess to say, when we picked Luke up after dinner, and A;lex had the front seat and Luke and I shared the back with my Mum, who kept swearing at dad, it made the car ride home rather unforgettable.

Dad then drove us to Megatrons for shindigtimes. the next morning it was back to my place. The next few days are a blur of forgettable, but I’m pretty sure we spent most of it walking between Luke’s and Ryan and Dave’s. each day was supposed to be my first legal trip to the pub, but it never happened. Thursday I was especially pumped, but we ended up going to a highschool party instead, lol. sixteen year old drunk kids aplenty. It was pretty fun though, actually. i was wasted, and this girl in sexy stockings kept dancing on me, but I wasn;t really minding that much because she had nice boobs, and we met this girl called Ruby, whom I saw kiss Pierce, some guy we were dancing with, and another random. And she asked me ‘who can I get with?’ so I pointed at Baxter, because he’d told me to. But after that he decided he didn’t really want her anywhere near him, although she was persistent. She also tried to kiss Luke, whilst I was pretty much on top of him: we’d fallen over in a massive heap on the dance floor. I don;t really remember this happening, so I musn’t have been paying attention, but afterwards Luke and Pierce both told me, haha.

walked back to ryan and dave’s, and then to Luke’s. Slept until about one pm on Friday. luke and I had an argument because he was supposed to come stay at my house that night but was desperately trying to find someone to have a party so he could go out and get drunk and not come to my house. I cried and he gave in. we rented 28 weeks later, hostel 2 and donnie darko, and alex and dad rented pan’s labyrinth and some sci fi movie. we watched the sci fi one upstairs with alex and dad, and then came down to my room, set up my bed on the floor in front of the couch, and watched 28 weeks later and hostel 2.

I worked Saturday, and wasn;t planning on going out Saturday night, but then Luke was like ‘we’re going to the brisbane, come out!’ having not yet been out legally I obliged, but the main point of the night was to spend time with Luke, and dad was going to pick me up at 12 because i started work early on sunday. Shan and Claire were there too. earlier, they’d bought eighty dollars worth of speed, and luke had knocked it over. Shan was mad. Claire didn’t care because it was just speed, but she was a bit down that she’d wasted eighty bucks and still had to be sober. Didnt stay at the pub very long, and went back to ryan and dave’s, minus shan and claire. Dave found out that they’d lied to him and told him they hadn’t had drugs in his house (when luke knocked it over, they were downstairs, about to take it). He got mad and said they weren’t welcome in the house. Pierce asked me to go to the bottleshop, and he and I had a nice walk and chat. Ruby texted him and she and a friend came over. Dave kicked shan and claire out. Shan insisted she and Luke have a talk. luke said five minutes. claire and I were waiting in the cold for thirty. eventually we went over. luke said five more minutes, i said no, I;m sick of waiting, come back with me. he was reluctant. I said to him out of earshot of shan and claire that I was sick of coming second to shan, and he needed to choose, shan or me. If he chose shan right now, he’d be choosing her for good and I wouldn’t be coming back. Shan got mad at having to wait and stormed off shouting "Don’t fucking worry lauren, you can have him." I said "i do have him, he’s MY BOYFRIEND!" she got mad and we had a bit of a screaming match, then I walked off and Luke stayed to talk to shan. He’d made his choice. Claire and I went back to the house and had a talk. we ended up waiting an hour. ev

entually claire went over and said to shan that they really should leave, because I only had 45 minutes before my dad came and it wasn;t fair if I didn’t get to see luke at all. Shan got shitty. She’s such a child, I want to kick her so bad. I’d slap her if she wasn’t twice my size and likely to flatten me. anyway, Luke and i tried to have a talk, which turned into a fight about Shan, so I gave up and said fine, it’s obvious you;ve made your choice. I sat inside and talked to dave, and then to pierce, who both told me that if Luke and I break up, please still come around and hang out. Pierce said he’d text me about it when he got credit. Later that night, while I was in bed, Luke texted me. He broke up with me, properly.

apparently it’s not like my other break ups. He’s not getting back with Shan, and he;s not getting with other girls, he;s just sorting his shit out. we taled about it last night and there’s a chance we’ll get back together in a few weeks when shit’s sorted, but I’ll be laying down some ground rules first, like no texting when we’re spending time together, and hopefully i can get him to fuck shan off completely. No-one at the house likes her hanging around, especially Pierce, and Erin finds her as frustratingly immature as I do.

Last night luke and I shared a bed. We had sex. It was different though. He was.. sweet. I cried all night, because it was false hope of getting back together, but then we talked about it in the morning and I realised it wasn’t. I said that I’d be okay with that happening as long as he’s not getting with or having sex with other girls, and he said he wouldn’t be. Before he left on his skate trip today, we were alone at Ryan and Dave’s. He kissed me, and told me I was perfect, and then said goodbye.

i hate boys, so, so much.