It was ME. My mistake.

I did it! I was the one who deleted half of my OD and backed it up somewhere.

Where, I have no idea. I hope I can track it down.

Anyway, I found an entry in early 2012 about what I did and completely thought that it just disappeared. I can’t believe I forgot!

So, Apologies to OD people. If the writing is actually lost, it is my fault.

I want to add that a lot of my language use and thinking back then was very cringey. Like, I felt a little nauseated about the use of the R word and the N word and some others. Though I wasn’t intending to be derogatory toward any groups of people, any impact I made was still harmful. I actually censor myself in regards to slurs these days and only reference them when it contextually applies to some current conversation or something.

For instance, one of my white neighbors, who is either a late Boomer or early Gen-Xer, was quoting a black comic and didn’t self censor the n-word (even with the soft r it’s not ours). I will interact with him sometimes because he considered what I had to say about that and decided it was better he not to use it.

In others, I saw some white fragility which I am aware has been a problem with me and something I have been working on since about 2014 as my friend, David says that it is important to “listen beneath the surface.”
There IS A LOT to address. I don’t know whether I will go back through and edit all of those posts as quickly as possible or just unpublish everything before this year. I don’t plan to submit this diary for publication (in print) or anything although I might pull from some entries for stuff I want to work on presently. It’s for reference/inspiration for the most part.

I use he/they pronouns now and I am actively transitioning (on Testosterone) and hope I can get top surgery in the next year or two (it’s seriously a long wait these days). I also need to change my birth certificate, name, and everything else.

Anyway, back to it.