Type II Diabetes and Love
I came up with a good analogy yesterday (or maybe it was this morning who knows?) pertaining to love and fat and thought Id share it here. I was talking to my husband about love and self-esteem and comparing my ability to accept love to a person with diabetes type II. My son has type I diabetes. The problem with that is the body attacks its own pancreas so that it doesnt produce enough insulin. This is very different than the adult onset, type II diabetes. With type II diabetes, the body still produces insulin, but for some reason the cells are unable to take it in resulting in the same symptoms as type I diabetes.
For me, I found I had a similar problem with love. When I was fat, my husband could give me/show me all the love in the world, but my cells could just not accept it. Only with the weight loss could I begin to receive the love he was giving me. Now I am absorbing it to some extent. That is why I get so afraid of re-gaining the weight. Like a diabetes sufferer, my symptoms were relieved by losing weight and taking care of my body. As long as I continue to do that, Ill be able to accept the love I need just like a diabetics cells seem to be able to accept the insulin needed when their body is in good shape. But when fat and uncared for, Im unable to believe in that love and accept it so it does me no more good than the insulin a type II diabetic produces does for that diabetic.
I think I made that more complicated than I needed to. But anyway, it doesnt matter if I made it complicated or not, it was an analogy for me. I obviously have no self-esteem when Im fat. I hate that its that way, but it is so the pressure is even more intense for me to keep this weight off. I joke and say, Once I reach 118 lbs. everything will be perfect
somehow all our money problems will be fixed, I will no longer break the commandments, everybody will love me more, and John Kerry will suddenly be President. I know thats not true but I think, as women, we often pin a lot on our weight and our bodies. At the same time some men are worse about it than we are. I was listening to a radio show today about couples and a listener sent in an email saying that her husband always makes terrible comments about her weight and once when they were having a romantic getaway, she changed into her nightgown and just by the disgusted look on his face, he told her wordlessly how unappealing she was to him. My heart went out to this woman and I was devastated on her behalf. Why cant we just all be satisfied with who we are? I ask that question FIRST of myself.
I guess it’s hard for us women to be happy with ourselves because of all the gorgeous women that are paraded in front of us everyday on tv and in the movies with perfect bodies and perfect faces. Sometimes its hard to think that we can possibly be attractive. My husband tells me all the time how beautiful I am but I still have a hard time believing him.
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The body decays.. the spirit goes on… knowing that reality, the body takes a step down and the spirit becomes number one priority!
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honey…..your notes CHOKE me up…… Hugzz
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