The Meeting – Part IV

When first confronted by the board, he admitted that even his wife didn’t know about the house or any of this.  The board requested that he tell her or they would have to.  So, for several weeks, the board walked around with this knowledge even when his wife did not know!  I knew about it for maybe a week before she knew.

His wife has been my “accountability partner”  – sort of mentor – for months now.  I have adored her… yes, close to idolatry, myself.  I felt so badly for her.  Now, to see her allow him get up and tell this LIE that he used this money to help others… it literally broke my heart. All I could do was cry during that time last night. 

I can say, with all honesty, that if he had taken the microphone and said, “Look, I never intended it to come to this.  I thought I’d start this great new international ministry.  I thought we’d be helping people and spreading the gospel.  I had all these great intentions but then I got into trouble and I needed to use the money for some personal things.  One thing led to another and I was caught up in this web of deceit and greed.  It was like being in an addiction, and I kept thinking I’d repay it but it got deeper and deeper and now it has caused rifts in the church, strife in my marriage, agony in my heart and I just beg God to have this all be over.  I throw myself at your mercy and ask that you help me get back on the right track.  Help me to over come this.  Help me to suffer as few consequences as possible and support me and encourage me the way I have always supported and encouraged you, “ if he had said THAT, I would have been hard pressed NOT to keep him as the spiritual leader of the church.  It would have taken time and absolute honesty to rebuild the trust for him, but it would not have been impossible. What he did last night was an affront to God.  He practiced deceit in the actual house of the Lord.  And the majority of the people took that into their souls. They patted each other on the back for their display of Christian forgiveness and reminded themselves of what a great man pastor was.  Over and over again, it was like the last scene in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” There was no credit for Jesus in this scenario… only for pastor and for those who would extended this “forgiveness,” to the man.

So, that’s it.  That’s how it went.  The truth is given but it is not heard.  Why does that surprise me.  I found much scripture to claim that. 

One verse of Proverbs says something about not fretting over evil men or the evil that they do or something… I have to find that and commit it to memory because I am definitely fretting.  I need MUCH prayer in this situation.  I am angry, appalled, and horribly depressed.  Yes, it has shaken my faith considerably, but I have a shred.  I believe that Jesus is the Son of God.  I believe that He died and was raised from the dead.  I confess Him as my Lord and Savior.  I’m shaken, very shaken, but hold on to the Bible. 

Can I believe this?  Why do I believe it?  I guess because of what I have seen God do in my life.  I just can’t believe the transformation in my own character and in my life’s circumstances was all just due to some inner strength that is of ME. I know myself too well for that.  I believe, also, because of what I have seen happen in my brother’s life.  He may be a unique person, but even unique people fold under the spell of crack-cocaine.  I can’t believe it’s anything BUT God when I see how his life is being restored.  I believe because I have based my life on the Bible over the past few years. The outcome of the rest of my life is worthless if the God of the Bible is not real.  I hate to have that as a reason to believe, but I know it’s true.  I believe because something inside me is certain that, in the end, right will prevail.  But I sure need a touch from the Lord now, just to be reassured.