Summer, Day 82 / Letters, Day 22

Summer day 82 / Letters day 22

Letters – Day 22 – Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

How about my ex-husband UGH! ICK! and YUCK

Dear Not-so-Dear Bob,

Where do I start?  I don’t even know where to begin.  I have worked so hard not to hate you.  I try to be a good Christian and have even prayed for you in order to get over my hatred but it is a process that needs to be repeated over and over again.  Every time I think I have basically forgotten you, something comes up to re-ignite my anger, disdain and bitterness again.

First, I struggle with hatred towards you for breaking my trust in so many ways.  You told me that when you were in Korea you were faithful to me only to come back and say you had cheated.  Worse, you kidnapped the children when I trusted you with them – for a visit… these girls that you never even cared to write to or be with when you visited!  You know full well when you came to “visit the girls” you ended up going out with me and my friends instead and leaving them with a babysitter.  You were just lonely for companionship, you didn’t care about those girls.  You were just trying to make trouble when you kidnapped them.  I’m sure it was Wanda’s doing to force you into a divorce instead of just a separation (which was fine with  me – we had been apart for so long) but did you have to go along with it?!  You know I was an excellent mother!

I trusted you more than my OWN parents.  I did everything for you even after we separated.  I gave the girls presents “from you” on their birthdays and Christmas even though you never sent anything, not even a card.  When you came to visit I always hosted you and treated you like royalty.  You had the option of having the girls or coming out with us or BOTH!  And during the day Brian even took you out places WITH the girls – swimming, out to eat, all sorts of things.  I never thought you would intentionally hurt me, especially so so so deeply, more painfully than anyone else in my life before or since!

Then after the courts gave the girls back to me, to get that letter from Wanda saying, “The days of easy living are over…” when I only got $400 / month for child support for two girls and rarely got that.  $100 a month child support for two children that you stopped sending after a year or two and then you tried to claim them on your income tax returns as well!!!  Yeah, right!  It is so hard NOT to hate you.

Finally, when my oldest daughter reached out to you to visit, you wouldn’t even go pick her up because it was a 40 minute drive… what the heck?!  You don’t deserve her!!!  You never DID deserve these girls.  The youngest wants nothing to do with you.  They both love Brian.  Their children call Brian “Grandpa.”  Our (Brian’s and mine because they are NOT yours) youngest daughter calls Brian “Daddy.”  

A long time ago you told me that this woman read your fortune.  She told you you would have 3 daughters and one would be a nun.  She was close.  You had a chance at our two and you had Wanda’s daughter (an unmarried drop-out mom at 16).  There are your 3 daughters.  You don’t have a nun, but my youngest daughter is intensely devoted to God and He is the center of her life and has been for quite  few years…. unusual for a girl of her age and beauty.  </P

The fortune teller also told you that you would die alone somewhere in the cold surrounded by wolves.  Maybe that will be true and you will die someplace up in Yukon territory, who knows.  But I suspect this was more symbolic.  The way you’ve lived your life, you have not endeared yourself to people, obviously.  You haven’t kept in touch with old friends and I take it from the fact that Wanda’s family came and took all her stuff from the trailer after she died that they didn’t care enough for you to leave you anything.  My daughter told me that you said they tried to even take your kitchen ware and pictures.  She said that you told them, “Wait a minute I’m still alive!” – Judging from this, I’m guessing that when the fortune teller foretold the death in the cold surrounded by wolves, it was more like alone and surrounded by people who just want to steal from you and take things from you with no one to care for you or provide or to watch over you.  

That, my ex, is because you reap what you sew.

I will pray that I don’t wish that on you.

-me