So, What does God do….?
So I’m still fuming after I drop him off and have now become blessedly alone. I was
wondering, then, is it still a sin to cuss even if nobody is around to hear it? Of
course I knew the answer but I still was wondering what harm it would do. Then I
started thinking about myself. Why am I so impatient? I just get so frustrated
with this stuff. My problem is really me, in a way, I need to be focused on what
God wants me to be, not on having things right for me. You see, that’s the tough
part. It seems so unfair that they act like that to me, but the focus needs to be
on me and my reaction more than on them and how they SHOULD act. It’s not so much
that it’s a sin to cuss as it means that I’m not displaying the fruits of the Spirit
and I’m not BEING what God clearly has called us to be… a reflection of Him. I
mean, how many times have I frustrated and annoyed God? How many times have I
treated Him the way my son treated me? And none of those times has He responded
with anything but love. So that’s what I am called to do.
Some of those things were running through my mind. I also had to accept the fact
that I have been struggling with accepting this treatment more since I had the
surgery. I don’t think the reason I have less patience now is because I feel I
deserve better after having lost 40 pounds, although I know many people have that
reaction. I believe I’m struggling more because before I would console myself by
buying something yummy to eat on the way to work. Now I decided to at least console
myself with a tall foamy latte (which was incredibly wonderful, by the way). Not
being able to offset the treatment I get from my family with the comfort of
delicious food is going to take some adjusting. I’ve already identified shopping
too much as a consolation I am going to quickly have to deal with because I’ve spent
way too much money in the past month or so. I am hoping now to be able to channel
some of this into working out. That has really helped for the past week since I
joined Women’s Workout World.
So, anyway, I switched the station over to my morning sermon shows and wouldn’t you
know it, there was Alistair Begg begining a sermon on love. It was like God was
speaking directly to me. First he hooked my interest in by telling a tale about my
favorite president, Abe Lincoln. There was this guy, in Lincoln’s day, who couldn’t
stand old Abe. I think he said the guy’s last name was something like Stanton. This
Stanton character claimed that Lincoln was cunning and bad and I don’t know what
else. He also said Lincoln was the “original gorilla.” And once, when someone else
said they were going to Africa to hunt gorillas, Stanton replied that there was no
point in going to Africa when we had a gorilla right here in Springfield. When Abe
not elected and appointed his cabinet, he appointed Stanton as the Secretary of War.
When asked why he would appoint such a vocal critic, Lincoln replied, “He is the
best man for the job and I will treat him with utmost courtesy.” When Lincoln was
shot then laid in state, Stanton stood over his dead body with tears in his eyes and
said, “There lies the best leader of men the world has ever seen.” Alistair Begg
commented that Lincoln’s love had converted Stanton’s view of him (although I’m sure
it was much more than just his love. There was much to respect about Lincoln as
well.) True love reacts this way to unjust treatment, Alistair Begg explained and
went on to cover I Corinthians 13… I’m sure you’ve all heard of it:
4Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
5It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
Was I patient? No.
Was I kind? No.
Was I rude? Likely.
Was I self-seeking? Sort of.
Was I easily angered? You bet.
Did I keep a record of wrong? Did you read the last two diary entries?
God was talking to me.
It’s hard, though… it’s hard when you struggle so much with this.
I’m right… I know I’m right…
In a perfect world I should be treated a different way.
In a perfect world we should all seek to compromise.
But this is not a perfect world and it never will be until we all put God at the center
and the goal of being who HE wants us to be. “Right” cannot be the plum line for our behavior.
The only plum line can be the reflection of Jesus. And, to God, being right isn’t the point…
being like HIM is the point. Now, that’s really hard for me. For me, right has always been enough…
it has been the goal, the center, the justification. It is a revelation to understand down to my soul
that my paradigm is wrong and I need to replace “right” with Jesus. To be like Him has to be my goal;
HE has to be my center and He definately is my justification.
So God talked to me.