Pushing On

Well, the church is definately struggling.  As of tomorrow, the only people on the payroll are going to be me, the acting Pastor, and one of the maintenance person.  Everyone else is going to be laid off… money is that tight.  I hope/believe God is going to do something powerful.  No I don’t… I mean I hope it, but I don’t know if I believe it.  Our former pastor did major damage to a church that was already terribly shakey financially.  I believe that God is stronger than the devil, but I don’t always know when and how He chooses to work.  Let me re-phrase that, I never know when and how He’ll choose to work but I do believe that He works all things to the best, even if they don’t seem that way. 

Well, I worked today.  And I guess I’ll be working every Sunday for awhile now.  Oh well.  It was a busy morning.  But, you know what, I don’t even care.  I’m glad to be taking on more responsibility.  I was actually feeling bored and unsatisfied with my job and I realized that I was not feeling and possession over my position.  That’s because the other ladies I work with are so outspoken.  The problem is, they are not as organized or logical as I am.  That is not meant as a snotty, superior statement because each of them have some definate plusses that I do NOT have, but I was a market research Senior Projects Manager for many years and have more experience with juggling the unexpected than either of the other two have.  Plus the current Pastor worked with me for many years and knows how I work.  I am able to “read” her a little better than the other ladies.  So, anyway, I’m glad to do everything myself.  I have some definate ideas on how some things could be done differently, more efficiently, and faster, but the others were opposed to doing things differently or to using certain components of the computer differently, so we ended up missing things sometimes or duplicating things at other times.  It was very frustrating.  For me, this is almost a blessing.  For them, I don’t know.  Maybe they’ll continue coming but without pay.  I hope not (although that is what I would probably do.)

This economy is horrible.  My daughter and son-in-law are having to go through contortions just to get the bills paid.  One of my friend’s mom has no money.  She’s spent it all helping out my friend’s brother (who is a former addict and not very mature or healthy I guess).  My friend’s husband also lost a job last year that he had held for over 15 years.  He’s working now, but at greatly reduced pay.  Because of this, they’re having to take an apartment together to make ends meet.  If I thought I could do it practically, I would sell our condo and buy a home where my daughter and her husband could live with us.  That’s not what they want, though.  My husband and son drive her a little crazy.  Plus, she doesn’t want to be a “daughter” now… she wants to call the shots in her own home.  I, actually would have no problem letting her do that… I have never been Ms. Domestic and my daughter has always sort of liked that role.  The men in my family are a little difficult to deal with, however, so trouble would be inevitable.  The other thing, of course, is that she and her husband are not good about picking up after themselves.  They leave their clothes all over and on the bathroom floor.  They sometimes leave their empty pop cans around, dishes out, glasses out… make messes on the kitchen counter that they don’t clean up, etc.  That component of living with them might drive me a little crazy as I have a problem with that sort of thing, myself, and have to stay on my own back to pick up after myself.  It would be really horrible to be working so hard on myself but then have to remain patient with them.  Overall, God probably knows what He’s doing not making our living together a viable option right now.

Well, I hope everybody else’s lives are going well.  As I said before, mine is actually quite wonderful… it’s the people around me that are suffering so.  The problems are not really my problems, per se, but it still hurts.  Especially with my daughter, it hurts so much.  But, even with the church, it hurts to see the damage that a man who claimed to be (and really was for such a long time) a true man of God.  It hurts that he taught me so much and so well, but always taught us to look to Jesus, and now that knowledge needs to be firmly used to keep him from inflicting further harm on the congregation and those that love him.  This world is such a mess, it’s a wonder Jesus does not come back tomorrow!