On To Key West…

My brother and I awakened naturally at a fairly early hour. We cleaned up our bedding and got ready for our jaunt to Key West. I helped Mom get some things together and my daughter got back from her friend’s house at about 7:30am. We were ready to take off for the Keys by 8:30am.

We stopped for Cuban coffee and pork rinds (not the kind you buy in a bag that are all crispy, but instead real pork rinds that are fried with fat and actual pork sizzled on the outside) for breakfast. Of course my daughter would have none of it but my brother and I munched a few. I felt disgusted and queasy afterward not being used to that kind of food afterward, but it was great while it lasted.

We drove for some time, but as the temperature rose, we finally got brave and put the top to the convertible down. It was NOT warm outside, even though it was Florida, but my daughter bundled up as best she could sitting in the back seat. We put up the windows and blasted the heat. With the sun beating down from above, it was fine driving on the open highway and I felt my face turning a little pink in the sun. It was just glorious!

We got to Key West a little after noon and we found the way to our resort. We checked in and made our way toward town as quickly as possible. We knew we didn’t have much time and so wanted to make the most of it. “Which way is Earnest Hemingway’s house?” They pointed us toward Whitehead Street. We figured we’d go down there, then circle back to Duval Street, the most famous street for action. One shopkeeper told us that one section was the “happy” section and another was more mainstream. “Happy?” We wondered. “She must mean ‘gay,’” I told them, “Does Key West have a gay population?”

“I don’t know? They must,” my brother answered. And we figured that’s what she must have meant. Later we would learn more about this.

I think I first fell in love with Key West during that walk down Whitehead. I loved the homes… the Victorian Mansions with hurricane shutters, some were in desperate need of fresh paint, some were pristinely white, all were mysterious and beautiful. My eyes could have lingered on each house for hours. There were alleys and corners and odd people to see and there were roosters running free and chickens with baby chicks following them. And there were feral cats scurrying across streets, with big alert eyes. Key West was different than any place I’ve ever been. There seemed to be something new to look at on every corner. We stopped at the Key West Lighthouse and went in. For $8 a piece we could go up to the top; my daughter got a discount for being a student and my brother and I got a discount because I had my AAA card with me, so collectively we paid less than $24. My brother negotiates to try to get a lower price on just about everything and often is able to get a bargain. I’m learning a lot from him! Still, it wasn’t really worth what we paid but it was cool anyway. We climbed the shaky iron steps that went up in a spiral then saw the sights at the top. After we came down we walked through the small lighthouse keeper’s quarters/museum. It was mildly interesting and not an unpleasant way to start off our afternoon.

From there we continued walking down Whitehead Street toward Earnest Hemingway’s house. My passion for Key West grew as we walked. I loved the ambience. The people were different… they seemed more laid back in a lot of ways, somehow less threatening than Chicago and somehow more mysterious. I suppose it was just my imagination or just my mood, maybe just my circumstances of the day, but the whole place just took my fancy.

We got down to Hemingway’s house but they were charging a bundle to go in. I didn’t particularly care to see the inside that much; I didn’t even know you could go in, so I told my brother not to bother paying the fee but let’s just stand there and look, which we did. It was kind of neat to be there and understand what must have washed through him as he mustered the inspiration for his books. On the other hand, I knew he was a big drinker and ultimately killed himself and I could see why that would happen to a Key West inhabitant as well, although I can’t really explain why. I guess it feels sort of like Neverland, but we all know that Neverland doesn’t really exist. Once that fact comes home for real in a life that has been spent on a quest for Neverland, what else is left but death? I think Key West may be as close to Neverland as you can get.

After Hemingway’s house, we continued down Whitehead Street for quite a ways then cut over to the famous Duval Street. There was so much sensory input I could hardly carry on a conversation. I almost walked into the street in front of cars because I couldn’t keep track of green lights and red lights… there’s was just too much to see and process. I was wide-eyed. We all were.

We thought about renting a little electric car or maybe even scooters but I didn’t encourage it, first because I enjoyed the exercise of walking and secondly because I felt we would be able to see more on foot than we could see if we went speeding by places in an electric car. It would have been fun to drive around, but I wanted to see every little nook and cranny, bar none. My brother thought a trolley or train tour might be cool but we opted to maybe do that tomorrow.

Eventually we stopped for some lunch and sat out on a terrace watching the world pass by. As we ate, we noticed a man across the street with a funny hat and a folding chair. He opened his chair then posted a sign that said, “Dirty Jokes — $1.00 – I need beer.” Leaning back like a king, he spun Chinese relaxation balls in his left hand and waited for customers. In minutes two young men holding beers stopped and dropped a couple of dollars in the bucket. We watched as they heard the joke then groaned. I tried to count as more people patronized the impromptu business. “He makes more than I do,” I told my brother. “I wonder how much he makes per hour.” We speculated on the jokester’s salary and I tried to imagine how this man ended up in Key West telling jokes for a profession. Certainly he didn’t have healthcare coverage and other benefits, but all of his income was tax free at least. I just wished I knew a little bit of this guy’s life story — just another way in which Key West was fascinating to me. And, as I watched the jokester, I noticed another guy bicycle by who was wearing an Uncle Sam outfit and had a basket full of papers and things. Much to my delight we would run into him later in Mallory Square on the Pier.

After lunch, while my daughter went into browse a store, my brother and I went over to the jokester. My brother said, “Here is two dollars, one for a clean joke and one for some market research.”

“Oh, clean jokes are more expensive because I don’t have as many of those.”

So we put up with a dirty joke which was not very good but so juvenile I could even repeat it to my 15 year old son when I returned home, then my brother asked him how much he made per hour. The jokester told us he usually cleared about $15/hour. He worked a few hours then took a break, then went back to work. I was impressed. His hair was long and scraggly and his teeth were brown and some of the front ones were broken. His eyes were squinty and filled with cynicism.

Not a threatening guy, not a bad guy, not a good guy, maybe not even really an interesting guy – I’ve met some guys like him before. Nevertheless, he added to the flavor of the Keys.

We continued our explorations eventually coming across the Key West Starbucks. My brother and daughter decided to get drinks. Starbucks was amazingly poor at Key West. We should have never gone there. The service was terrible resulting in my brother canceling the order yet not able to get a refund. When they tried to figure out how to give him a refund I think they ended up charging his card a second time. They also noticed that the barista steamed himself a cup of milk and drank some of it then used the rest of what was in the cup to make someone’s drink. That doubled their resolve to cancel their order!

After that we headed toward the pier to see the famous Key West sunset. Unfortunately it was blocked by the clouds so we didn’t see much of anything in the sky, but we DID see the huge cruise ship docked there. It was one of those Disney cruise ships and it was immense. Also, Mallory Square at the pier was loaded with performers at sunset. There are independent merchants who sell their wares as well as performers who work for gratuities only. We watched a man, Rondini somebody, who had audience guys put him into a straight jacket and chains then suspend him upside down from a trapeze. From these constraints he was able to free himself in about six minutes (and he is 53 years old). He must be double or triple jointed or something because we saw him turn his arm almost completely around under that straight jacket. It was amazing. We gave him quite a good tip.

We tried to watch a dog walk on a tight rope but his trainer talked so long and did so many other jokes he got boring and we moved on. There were many guitar players and singers who were just awful. Then, as we made our way toward the place we had picked out for dinner, we ran into our friend in the Uncle Sam outfit… Mr. 22. This guy told us he was the most common write-in candidate for President, Love-22. He had his name officially changed, he said, and he showed us his passport. He gave us a tiny sheet with information about the properties of the number 22 along with some 22-dollar bills. The 22-dollar bills had Mr. 22’s picture on them and as he showed them to us he did some origami type folding and recited a little poetic incantation of some sort and came up with a little boot. He then folded another boot. Then he made some origami pants and an origami shirt. He slid them all together to form a little origami man. After that he pulled small origami rings out of a bag and slid one on my finger then on my daughter’s finger. He dug around in another bag for one big enough to fit my brother’s finger. He said we could have 5 rings for whatever amount of money, I can’t remember. We gave him more than that I’m sure because my brother gave him some money and so did I. Now HE was a guy I would have definitely liked to ask some questions of but I’m sure I would have NEVER gotten a straight answer.

From there we continued on to El Meson de Pepe for some authentic Cuban food. It was wonderful. We sat out on a garden area, just far enough away from their live Cuban music so that we could converse, but close enough to enjoy it. Cats ran around the periphery of the garden and my daughter became very annoyed with me for stealing pieces of her fish so I could feed them. We also saw many feral roosters LOL – there are lots of wild roosters in Key West, but not running around the garden at Pepe’s so much, probably because there are so many cats there. I’ve been reading a lot about Key West since going there and have read that many of the cats have six toes; it’s a genetic thing I guess. I didn’t really notice that when I was there, but I didn’t think to look.

The food was good and the waiter was very very pleasant. The pina colada was delicious and we had a wonderful time. By the time we finished it was pretty late and we headed back to the hotel. On the way back we passed by a shop where the proprietor grabbed my daughter and said, “Oh, we have some beautiful stuff for you… come in, come in and look around.” The Key West people just loved her. One of the shopkeepers had asked for her phone number earlier in the day (she explained she’s married to his disappointment). Several others greeted her in the street as they passed. She is very pretty but her look must be extra appealing to those extreme southerners.

In the shop she found a reduced price workout suit with Key West imprinted on it. My brother had told her earlier that he wanted to buy her an outfit as a present so she tried the workout suit on. It was really cute but definitely showed her curves. She’s rather conservative so she stood in front of the mirror wondering if she should be so bold as to indulge in this outfit. A young lady proprietor said, “You have a beautiful body, you should show it off!” She explained to my daughter that the suit was made to be warn with a little skin showing. My daughter is not the skin-showing type LOL, but she liked the look without letting skin show. My brother and I both thought she could definitely get away with it either way and it didn’t make her look cheap at all. Also, if she did blessedly get pregnant, the pants would look fine with a maternity top and would accommodate a pregnancy. So, my daughter went with the outfit and happily returned to the hotel with the bag clutched in her hand.

When we got back to our room we decided to watch a pay-per-view movie on TV, but by the time everybody settled into their beds, we determined it was too late. Instead we watched the Key West channel. Although the news was actually commercials for events that had already passed, it gave us an idea of things that were happening on Key West. There were also commercials for the local gay bars and drag shows which were quite interesting even if they weren’t our cup of tea for entertainment.

I ended up falling asleep first. I had wild dreams all through the night but that’s not surprising considering the very full day I’d had!