More movies and stuff…

Well, last night I taped my daughter’s shows, American Idol and The Bachelor stuff.  The problem was that they were both on simultaneously so I had to keep flipping back and forth between the two of them (at least from 8-9).  She’s watching this tape now that’s hilarious as we go from Fantasia to Trish. Anyway, she got a lot of each actually. 

We went to see New York Minute after work today.  It was cute but only because Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were in it.  It would have really stunk if it was not them.  It was sorta like a TV movie or something — very PG, but those two are so adorable it was well worth watching.  It’s funny, almost like a distant niece or something, because I’ve been watching those girls for so long.  I remember when my daughters were really into Full House and anybody who watched that just HAD to fall in love with little Michelle Tanner.  Later on, my son was really little and enjoyed the twins’ video tapes.  Dang, they were so adorable.  I remember, “Brotherr for Sale…” and other little songs they did.  Totally charming.  Now they’re mature teens and incredibly gorgeous and it’s like watching your cute little nieces clowning around for the camera.  I thoroughly enjoyed it (just like probably all grandmas and pre-teens).

I have my support group tonight.  I’m sort of looking forward to it because it keeps me more on the straight and narrow.  Sometimes I just want to eat so much, only a shred of self-discipline (unmarred by the hormone, graehlin) keeps me from binging.  My daughter is going to tape the Survivor special for me.  I hope Rupert wins the million.  I voted for him.  If not him, then I hope Rob.

All this stuff is so silly but I just LOVE the silly stuff.  You know why?  Because it doesn’t REALLY matter to me in the long run.  How easy it is to worry about LaToya being kicked off of American Idol, or Trish being wacko on The Bachelor (not that I watch that one), or if Rupert or Rob will with the extra million — it’s easy because it really will have no impact on me or my life.  It’s so much easier to be concerned about Rupert than to have my heart breaking over my daughter’s miscarriage or to address the hole in my heart that I feel because I’m plagued with an impenitrable loneliness.

It’s hard to be lonely when you’re with people who care so much about you, but it’s hard for me to connect sometimes.  I think I’m having some sort of backlash grief about the miscarriage.  Now that my daughter seems to be doing better emotionally, it’s like my turn to feel badly.  Thing is, it seems like I’m suffering but I feel alone in that suffering.  I don’t think my husband understands though he is a wonderful and loving man.