It’s a Different World!

 The world is so different today then it was yesterday. I was so
depressed before… fragmented, falling apart… and then I went into
therapy yesterday and got pasted back together again. It’s not that he
does anything exactly in particular… it’s just that he somehow is able
to convince me that I am okay. I am normal. I am alright. And I guess
the most important part, for me, who is a lost daughter I suppose, is
that I have this healthy and wonderful relationship with a man that is
not a sexual relationship. It just seems like all my life my
relationships with men ended up being sexual whether I wanted them to
be or not but my relationship with my therapist is not, has not, and
will never be and I’ve known him a lot of years. It has taken this many
years for me to finally really trust him and actually say things off
the top of my mind that I have not first evaluated and thought about
first before talking about. And then, once I’ve risked the chance of
saying them, to have it all be okay and to end up finding out that I’m
not a horrible person or abnormal or abominable or unacceptable or
weird or repugnant… you know… all the stuff you secretly fear you are and
are sure you are… well, sometimes I leave there just walking on air! So
I feel so much better today than I did earlier this week. I have no
urge at this time whatsoever to cut or do anything icky because I am
content and happy and feel right with myself.

I am so blessed… I feel like the most blessed person in the entire world right now!

I
also started Starbucks again last night and had a blast. It was so much
fun re-training. I’m really looking forward to working there again now.
God is guiding me in all the best directions. How could I have ever
doubted it?!