I’m Exhausted

Tough day today… church this AM. ON a good note I awoke to find that I
hit an all time weigh in low that matched my wedding day weight of what
I weighed at age 18 when I got married the first time. That was
definitely pretty cool!!! (Thank you Starbucks second job that keeps me
too busy to eat!!)

That good news aside, however, the pain and
drama still continues here as we all struggle to deal with the
fertility vs. infertility issues of my daughters. I went to church and
both daughters came today which was great. I had the blessing of being
invited to read the scripture from the pulpit today which was really
cool for me, but it was a struggle because I am not at my strongest,
spiritually (or emotionally) right at the moment and knowing where I
was yesterday made me feel distinctly uncomfortable in the pulpit… like
a big fake or something… but, then, I figured, it’s really God, not me,
that runs the show… I’m just reading two or three short paragraphs of
his word.

It was not a communion Sunday, so when the children
came forward for the Children’s sermon, Hopeful1 cut out… she just
couldn’t take it. Her husband followed her. Meanwhile, my older
daughter was sitting tearfully on the pew next to me (behind Hopeful1).

And me… well, I had my own dysfunctional ways of dealing with everything. I’m a mess… but I’m here, aren’t I?

Did laundry, dishes, made all of next week’s sandwiches… I’m exhausted.