I think I know everything, but I obviously don’t…

So if I leave advice in your diary, please keep that in mind. I actually don’t know much at all, I just THINK I do. I especially think I do when I get emotional about something. The more RIGHT I think I am, the more I think I know. I can be very outspoken about that.  But I used to be worse. I used to feel like I knew the answer to everybody’s problems–even my own–I just wouldn’t take my own advice. It’s only been over the last couple of decades that I’ve begun to realize that I don’t know things and, as a matter of fact, the stuff I thought I knew may even be wrong. Instead of getting wiser as I’m getting older, I’m only finding out how incredibly un-wise I am (which may seem like a form of wisdom, but trust me, it’s not).

What I DO know is a little more about grammar and writing. I sort of know the difference between third-person omniscient and third-person limited POV in literature. Unfortunately, I just discovered in the last class I facilitated that I’m not very good at conveying that information to others.

I also know that if one practices a certain form of discipleship of Christ, one’s life will surely improve to the point of immense contentment but it doesn’t seem like that form of discipleship is practiced on a regular basis in this country or, if it is, the press certainly doesn’t report on the kinds of people who are practicing it. Instead, the press reports on people who are practicing some sort of off-kilter craziness and presenting it as Christianity and it pains me to read the dysfunction that is parading as devotion to the Lord. Yes, I struggle with sin, or maybe more I struggle with trying to figure out exactly WHAT is sin and what isn’t–but there are some things that are pretty clearly un-Christlike.

I have learned that anything you can do when you’re angry can be done BETTER when you’re not angry. I didn’t believe that at first because there were many things I wouldn’t have the courage to do if I didn’t have anger to give me the courage, but I discovered that maybe it was better that I just didn’t do those things at all rather than do them in anger. Most of those things that I wanted to do were rooted in pride anyway. I had always thought myself quite humble. I was really wrong. I was mistaking shy and riddled with inferiority for humility.

God can teach you so much. A lot of it goes against human nature but it’s SO RIGHT. Trying to live it is like combing your hair against the part, but when you are successful, you realize how much better it makes your life. I am happy.