Happy Mother’s Day

It’s raining here but I don’t mind.  I kinda like rain.  It doesn’t feel like a happy Mother’s Day to me… it’s sort of bitter sweet.  It’s hard to celebrate my motherhood when my daughter is hurting so badly.  She so wants to be a mother, herself, and she would be such a remarkable parent.  It just hurts right now, that’s all.  Anyway, the guys are doing the laundry today as my mother’s day present.  That may not sound like much, but after having received a diamond ring for Christmas and a $150 spa day gift certificate for my birthday, a mother’s day present wasn’t really all that necessary.  Having them do the laundry was about the best gift they could possibly offer right now because we have a HUGE amount of laundry to be done.  Being away most of last week and having not done it the week before, you can imagine.  Doing that much laundry actually IS quite a gift.

So I’m alone here, which is also nice.  It’s so great to just kick back and be by myself.  I’m one of those people who would perish without alone time.  Being around people all the time wears me out.

I had set up a therapy appointment for tomorrow to see my old therapist, but ended up cancelling it today because I feel like I’m fighting a cold or something.  At any rate, I realized I really don’t need the appointment anyway.  The moment I set it up last Tuesday, I thought I should because things were really getting to me.  Now, though, I really just think I’m having natural reactions to life and I’m not really depressed or anything… serene would probably be a better description.  I’m pretty serene about things.  I’m not happy that my daughter had a miscarriage.  I’ll never be happy about that.  There are some things in life that will always be sad, but I am submitted to God, getting past the worst, and hoping/praying for a better future.  We’ll see.

My dog is making some weird panting noises when she sleeps.  I have a feeling something may be slightly wrong with her but it could be age.  I gave her water but she doesn’t seem interested.  She does, however, have a great appetite and is acting quite normal otherwise.  I’ve got enough to worry about without having to lose sleep over the dog LOL, but I do love her — she’s my buddy.  And it’s great to have a being in this world so completely and totally enamored with ME!.  I feel like God sometimes and, looking at my dog, I get a glimpse of what God must see when He looks down at me.  I know the feeling that she’s expressing when I catch her in the garbage.  She knew she shouldn’t, but she just couldn’t resist.  I also know the feeling she has when she’s looking up at me with an expression of hopeful anticipation — am I going to give her that little treat that she perceives is promised?  The conditions of her life and her mood are so dependent upon my actions.  Right now, though, my action should be to get her a grooming appointment. Boy, does she stink!