Father Stuff

So I thought I was finished with the book but I ended up writing another chapter this morning ( I pasted it in the Muffet diary)… it is the novel that will never die. It’s because I love this father character so much, I just don’t want to stop having experiences with him.  *sigh*  When the book is really over, then the experience is really over.  Maybe I’ll just never finish it.  Maybe I’ll never try to get it published but just keep adding to it until I die and it will be a nice little legacy to leave to my children to try to get published LOL  By then it will be hundreds of thousands of pages long.

Speaking of fathers… (I snuck this into the “muffet” book under the guise of some words of wisdom from a pastor,) but we had this “assignment” from Bible study two sessions ago (which nobody did but me LOL) where we were supposed to write an “epistle” from God that was 500 words or less.  Since I was on this father thing, I prayed and this is what God gave me:

No other father has loved their child as painfully as I have loved you.

It was not just my death, it was also my life.  No father was ever born into this world just for the sake of their child.  And no father ever lived a totally sinless life, resisting ALL temptation, having no sin whatsoever JUST for the sake of their child.  And, having done that, no other father ever went to the cross and died in agony, suffering the punishment meant for their child. No father’s whole life was lived for, then lost for, His children alone except for mine.

And you think it was done because there were so many of you, as if I did it as a collective thing.  You think that maybe if there were fewer it wouldn’t have been as worthwhile?  Well, I can tell you this as a certainty.  I would have done the whole thing, from birth to death, even if it were for you, alone. THAT is how much I love you.

That was God’s response to some of the sort-of complaining I was doing to Him about His not being a “real” father to me.  I just meant that in the way that I really wanted Him to be here physically for me… to sit on the couch with me and talk and stuff. 

I realized on the way to work yesterday, or maybe it was the day before, that the book has been an example to me of how I need to respond to and trust in God.  I have begun to shift my attitude about God to reflect the way my female character responds and trusts her dad in the book.  I have never had a normal father-daughter relationship so I haven’t been able to have a normal God-daughter relationship either so far.  I haven’t really had a lot of trust in God… it seems I am constantly waiting for the hand to strike me.  I am beginning to experience some moments of (just tiny moments) serenity… relaxation… trust… an opening of my heart for a brief second.  We’ll see.

Anyway, I am still enjoying solitude as my husband and son make their way back from Cedar Point today.  We had a severe thunderstorm pass through.  It came on so suddenly and, since I hadn’t turned on the TV set since they left I had no idea rain was coming.  All of the sudden, it was like in the Wizard of Oz and a huge wind swept through the condo, even blowing the magnets off the refrigerator! I couldn’t believe it. I thought there was going to be a tornado.  I turned on the TV to get the weather report as the lights flickered, but at least we never lost power.  All this was after I had put in a 5-11:15 shift at the Bucks this AM!!! So I’ve had a pretty full day and it’s only mid-afternoon… worked, cleaned the house, did some Bible study AND wrote a chapter for my book.  Geez….

Well… I’m not complaining.  I’m actually pretty glad.  Not cutting and no urge to cut.  Thank you, God.