Devil Shoes

I bought this pair of shoes about a month or so ago.  These shoes are HOT!  They are clear with big big heals and look like you’re walking on glass.  They are so HOT they’re COOL! 🙂  Anyway, I’ve had a few occassions to wear them.  I wore them to the Kentucky Derby party at my Mom’s retirement village.  It was quite a challenge to go back and forth between the serving table and our table when I was trying to wait on the ladies there.  They weren’t exactly uncomfortable, but they are challenging to say the least.

I wore these shoes today and they were a little tougher on me. First off, when I arrived at the church there was a cat crying the most gut wrenching meows that I had to get back in my car and drive off to White Hen to buy some cat food for the poor thing. (Let me not even go into how when I put the food down he just ‘thumbed his nose’ at it and kept on crying. I guess he just needed petting because he seemed a little happier when I was petting him.) Anyway, I had by then done lots more walking than I usually do in these shoes because I had gone down an alley to feed the cat. (A dangerous thing to do in the ‘hood where I go to church, so God was looking out for me for sure.)

Next I headed into the office.  Of course someone came in needing some xeroxing done.  Because my feet were over-taxed, I just gave her the super duper secret xerox machine code and let her take care of it.  She had problems, however, so I ended up getting up and toddling to the machine anyway. 

More than usual, people needed me to get up and walk down the hall to open doors, etc.  I don’t think I’ve ever had to do so much walking on a Sunday morning!  Then, when 11:00 service came around I didn’t really feel like going into the sanctuary.  It’s tough right now.  So I listened to the service (there’s a speaker in the office).  The sermon was amazing… right on TIME!  It was good.  (I knew it would be, the Reverend that is teaching us Ministry Track was preaching this morning.) When it came time for altar call I needed to go to the sanctuary.  I got up but could barely remain focused on God and the message because of these devil shoes.  How loud can shoes be on tiled floor?!  Too loud to focus, you have to tiptoe.  Then, how much pain can 10 toes endure?  I had trouble praying because my prayers began to switch to, “Please God, let the prayer end so I can go sit down.”  It was then that I realized these are shoes from the devil!! 

I bought these shoes when I had no business spending the money.  I have a silver pair that are quite similar to these that are much more comfortable (just not see through on the top and the heels are a little more sensible/lower).  So, not only did my vanity cause me to be a poor steward over my money (and feet), but now my vanity was placing a hitch between me and the Holy Spirit.  That’s when I thought of this… Devil Shoes poem.  When I wear these shoes I can only think of two things: either how absolutely adorable they (and my feet, of course) look –  OR – how absolutely impossible these shoes are to wear if you are a person who walks.  There is no room for God in my thoughts.  I’m either being vain or I’m in pain!

I have a pair of lovely shoes
and feel like Cinderella
whenever my feet slide into
these lovely shoes, I tell ya.

But don’t let these shoes fool you, folks,
these shoes are straight from satan
He likes when I wear these to church
Oh yes, he’s just awaitin’

‘Cuz when I wear these devil shoes
I rarely think of Jesus
I either think how good they look
or my toes shout, “Release us!”

And satan knows these shoes are hot
my painted toes look smashing
and through my vain and heathen mind
no thought of God is crashing.

Because I’m either focusing
on just how cute my feet are
or cursing my vain shallow heart
because I cannot walk far.

On shakey ankles up the aisle
the altar seems so distant
I’m thinking of my feet
and so my humble soul’s resistant.

And God won’t make these feet to be
like Habakuk’s gazelle
my feet are crushed and screaming out
that they’ve been sent to h*ll!