I Don’t Know Anymore…

ARGHHHHHHHHHH I had this whole page full of text and lost it! As if my day was not maddening enough.
Kerry and I have been dating for 3 years 7 months and 1 week now. I usually go to his home every Friday and stay until Monday morning then I come home. We talk also everyday sometimes several times. I just seem so frustrated here lately. I feel like I do not get any respect or consideration from him. I asked him if it was me and he told me no that it was just his job and he had to get some resume’s out. Well Kerry you have been saying that for about 2 years now and NOTHING has been done. You have went through lay offs and called back and you keep plugging away but at the same time he started treating me like I didn’t matter. He loves me I know he does and I love him, I just think I deserve some respect. When we talk in the mornings I usually have to repeat EVERYTHING I say atleast 3 times sometimes more. I say to him did you hear me?? He states no what? So I repeat again and he finally turns off the morning news and listens. It just hurts my feelings that I am not important enough for him to even ask how my day was when we talk at night. Or listen when I talk. But, you can bet I ask how he is and how his day was. Wednesday he was going to come by and we were going to look at a Gazebo and a archway for the yard, well he never showed up. When he called he asked if I was mad I stated no just hurt. Alot of times on Friday night he says he has to work late, or he is going to go run. I tell him to call when he gets home and I usually go over no matter how late it is. I told him tonight when he called and said he was going to go run, go to the cycle shop and go get something to eat to call and IF it was not to late I might come over tonight. Well he finally called at 9:38 and said, "Guess you aren’t coming over since you aren’t here." I told him no, I already told him if it got late I wasn’t coming. He then stated he wanted to go back to the cycle shop in the morning, go to the park by the river and get some coffee so we could talk. He knows "he" already asked my parents to lunch at 1:00 on Saturday and we would have to pick them up. We would have a little time IF he got up in the mornings on Saturday but he doesn’t. He gets up at about 11:00, drinks a cup of coffee and takes a shower then mutters around. I have usually already been up for 3-4 hours by this time. I know this is a weekend and he deserves a rest but if you tell someone you are going to do something then DO IT! He is always LATE to everything. We were almost late for his own Dad’s funeral…ughhh It is such a pet peeve I want to be somewhere early NOT late and if not early atleast ontime. Is this to much to ask?? I don’t know how to feel anymore…that is other than hurt. He does treat me well IF he is thinking but here lately that isn’t at all. I feel like I am in the mode even though I love him to start pushing him away because I don’t want to get anymore hurt than I already will. Heh who am I fooling it would crush me, I just don’t know how much more I can take of this inconsideration. He makes me feel like what I have to say doesn’t matter and is unimportant. He makes me feel I guess how I have felt many times in my life worthless, this should be old hat to me by now. I should be used to being treated like crap. This doesn’t make me like it any more though…
I don’t know…..