whoop-dee-doo

I talked with my mother on the phone last night.

It started off on a good note. Mom was full of antics, joking and laughing.

And then we got into the subject of her mother. I believe that Grandma has Bipolar just like me, Mom, and my little sister Bambi does. Then Mom told me that Grandma had had a heart-attack, and she lost 2/3 of the use of her brain. I didn’t know. Mom put Grandma in a nursing home, and Grandma was very unhappy there, so Grandma’s siblings came to pick her up and take her back to New Jersey.

Conversation started tilting downwards after that.

So, stupid me, I have to shove in the question "Why?" In reference to my childhood. She told me that I had told her that I liked what my step-father was doing to me, so she figured it was consensual, what could she do?

Puh-leeze! I was 10 years old when he started that shit. Whatever.

She then said that I must have felt like she threw me under the bus. I did. But, everybody makes mistakes when they are young and new parents, right?

She told me that dealing with my Bipolar was hell on her. I was not easy to live with.

Dude, I wasn’t dx’d with Bipolar until after the birth of my first son , at 23 years of age.

Whatever.

And when I was dx’d, and I told Mom, she told me that it was all in my head.

Whatever.

*shaking off the panic, shaking off the anger, shaking off the hurt*

I’m just never gonna learn when it comes to that woman, am I? Doh!!!!

made of stardust

November 15, 2010

(((HUGS)))

Girl1sc

I’m sorry it went downhill like that. Congratulations on the writing!! I didn’t know you would get a proof copy if you complete. Have you ever completed before? I know you will finish your novel. Is there a way I can send you my address privately? I just feel weird leaving it on a public note. Thanks!!

My address is still the same. 🙂

A_slave_to_iris

November 18, 2010

Big hugs! :< It’s hard when the mom doesn’t acknowledge the hurt. I’ve found this happens a lot of times in similar situations with step fathers and such. That’s why I dislike them so much. They give me the creeps. Whether it was consensual or not, you were ten and you knew nothing about what was happening… You didn’t know the negative impact it would have on your life. He is the one at..

fault. He was supposed to be the responsible adult protector, and her too! If she acknowledges your pain she would have to acknowledge her failure as a parent, and her failure to protect you. I would suggest seeing someone because my mom had to see someone for what happened to her by her father. It’s something that hurts your whole life, but my mom getting help really did help.

As someone from the outside, that is so strange to me that she would allow that to happen. If I so happened to have another bofriend unrelated to my daughter, and he made eyes at her, I’d probably kill him or at least knock him out. But allow him to get friendly with her? What a disgusting thing to allow! Consentual or not that’s below the age of consent by law and morally. Nasty man.

You were a kid and didn’t know any better. He was an adult abusing his authority. Forgive yourself.

Understanding Me

November 19, 2010

I’m sorry she is in such denial.