where is my pizza?

  Oh my gosh, how I would kill for a pizza right now. And a Pepsi. I hate when it is between paydays, it’s summer, nobody is at home, and you have NO money. Ugh.

I even tried to sell two pairs of nursing shoes on ebay. No go. Even though they are practically brand-new, and I only wore each pair once to discover that I didn’t like either of them. (I don’t like to wear Crocs to work either, but they are okay for just bumming around the house.)

Remind me to go and clean all of the shoes from my closet in A’s room, under the bed, under the dresser, and in the livingroom closet. I might just discover a pair that I forgot I had. It’ll be like getting new shoes!!

I’ve found a gemstone that I want to get. It’s called "Zandrite" – it changes color in different lights. There is pink/green, and purple/blue.  And the other gem is a "gizmo" topaz – it turns yellow, purple, green and orange in the light (prismatic).

See how easily I am amused.

Maybe I could get a job as a circus monkey.

I would try to get a part-time day job, but Thing 1 and Thing 2 are going to be getting out of school shortly, and believe it or not, I cannot leave a 13 year old and a 16 year old alone in the house.

I think it might really be too hard to explain to peeps that don’t know my kids. They both have behavioral problems – they both have been suspended from school, suspended from the bus – my oldest was kicked out of school at the end of his 5th grade year because he told them that he was going to stab himself with a pencil – he got himself almost a month in the psych hospital there. We’ve been told that A has oppositional-defiance. I’ve written about how he has little concentration in school, and NEVER does his homework.

And C is always getting into trouble at school and on the bus.

The two of them CANNOT eat in the same room (it has been this way for years), they throw food, they throw things, they say nasty things to each other, and they try to hit each other. And then, they come to me and try to get each other in trouble.

This morning I got them up when the alarm clock went off, but I stayed in bed. They should soooo be ready to get themselves ready for school. Want to know what I heard?

Oldest was telling youngest that he was going to beat the shit of him, youngest was telling him to go ahead and hit him, he’d tell Mom, oldest threatened to throw something, and youngest threatened to call the police on him.

Goody.

Then, outside waiting for the bus, they were yelling at each other, threatening each other, and throwing rocks at each other.

I’m sure that you are asking yourself "why didn’t she do something, or say something?"

I am powerless in my house. My children do NOT listen to anything I say, and they talk back to me all of the time. They break my things, and break hubby’s things, and refuse to take responsibility or apologize.

Maybe I am just too hard on them.

Today, my oldest took his baby book to school. Yesterday I told him NOT TO. While I was sleeping this morning, he took it out of the closet and snuck it to school. And, when he gets home and I ask about it, he will say he needed his birth certificate (which he did, but I was planning on getting a photo copy of it – and it is only the one that the hospital gives you when the baby is born).

Then, after I’ve asked him why he disobeyed me, and he has shrugged his shoulders and walked away from me, I’m left stewing, and he doesn’t give a fuck.

No, I have NO respect from my children.

A will waltz right out in front of me and dare me to say something about it. C will be sneaky and do it behind my back. When I ask "who did it", I get two answers to the negative.

The worst part of it all, is that hubby will not stand with me. He says that it is between us. He says that he doesn’t know what to do. He belittles my authority, and lets the boys talk trash about me when I am not there.

Oh my gosh, I’m all upset about it now. And they aren’t even home for another hour.

Summer is going to suck, but, then again, it ALWAYS does.

K will be working all summer, I will be stuck with two kids that neither respect me or do what I say. K will come home and say "why isn’t this chore done" or "why haven’t the kids done this or that", and then get mad at me because I couldn’t get the kids to do it.

I told him that when my oldest turns 18 and he is responsible for himself, I will no longer allow him to make me feel like I want to leave my own house. He said that I can’t do that, A’s just a kid.

A kid who does not listen to what I say.

A kid who never answers the questions I ask him.

A kid who pays me lip-service so he doesn’t have to listen to me.

A kid who does what he wants, when he wants, and fuck you, Mom.

I’ve got to stop writing about this, I am getting really heated, and I want to cry.

Maybe later –

~kat