June 18, 1992

11:45 pm

I’m confused. Kevin and I are no longer engaged. See, I kept giving him his ring back every time we had an argument – the same thing I did with Victor. I don’t understand it myself, so I can’t explain it. I don’t even think about it, I just reach for the ring and hand it back. What? So I came to the conclusion that I was not ready for an engagement ring. Which really tears me up inside, because I wanted to get and be married to Kevin. But I can’t quite decipher what goes on in this head of mine! Figure this relationship out, would you? I went out with Kevin on and off for 3 years. We lost touch for a few years. And for the past 6 months we have been lovers and friends. He’s been my lover, boyfriend, and fiance (now he is only 2 of the above.) When Kevin and I were going out 7 years ago, I knew he loved me, and he says that he has always loved me with a love he can’t describe. A love he says he will never outgrow. But when we got back together in January, I felt his love and affection – now I fell like he’s losing that feeling. Am I losing his love? Where will that leave me? Kevin is all that I have!!!!